One More Night
by S.K.Evans
Summary: Cloud had untangled my hand from my phone and had intertwined our fingers. Our eyes met for a second. I would have believed that my heart would flutter at that. Instead, it felt like someone had planted a knife in it and twisted it mercilessly. —AU, being rewritten, contains triggering elements/themes.
1. Dirty Little Secret

**1.** Dirty Little Secret

—

**A/N: **A friendly warning before starting this story: it deals with subjects like abuse, depression, self-loathing, and general unhappy stuff that might make some people uncomfortable. If you've read **Sharp Edges**, then you know I don't shy away from these topics. It's rated M for these themes, but also certain scenes. You've been warned.

—

"Hey, you're pretty. Do you mind if we talk a bit?"

The guy next to me was rather good-looking. He had an easy smile, straight teeth, a bit of a crooked nose, black hair, blue eyes. But if you looked closer, his gaze went just slightly past my shoulder, and the muscles in his jaw were tensed. I was one of many targets.

"Yes."

"Yes what?"

"Yes, I mind."

"Why? You got a boyfriend?"

I shrugged, focusing back on my cellphone. "Why do I need to have a boyfriend not to talk to you?"

He grunted, and got to his feet, muttering, "bitch" under his breath. I still heard him. I pretended I didn't.

Aerith was late. Which, really, wasn't something I would have minded if it weren't Aerith. The most punctual person to have ever lived. It was one of the only things we agreed on, punctuality.

I had been waiting for a good twenty minutes when she finally showed up, panting, her face all red and blotchy. It would disappear in a minute or two—the girl had perfect skin and never wore makeup, not even on special occasions. Lucky.

"Sorry, Teef. I missed my bus."

I found myself smiling despite my annoyance. She mock-gasped as she did every time I cracked a smile, no matter how big or small. I didn't smile much.

"It's alright. I just got here."

"Liar."

"Yeah, okay." At least I could admit it.

She linked her arm with mine, and began walking in direction of her favourite store, dragging me along. Shopping on Saturday afternoons was a ritual—if you could call it shopping, especially on my part. I never bought anything unless I absolutely needed it.

Aerith was telling me about her Chemistry lab partner and how the girl had screwed up the experiment, but I wasn't listening. Something else had captured my attention. Or should I say, someone.

My gaze was rooted on his back of his head. Silently, I wish for him to turn around. One of his friend caught my eyes, and with the most annoying smirk ever, pointed in my direction. I instinctively lowered my head, hoping my hair would hide my features. Not that it would really change a thing. He would know it had been me.

I felt a tug at my arm. Aerith was staring at the guys standing on the other side of the food court. _Please don't notice, please don't say anything, please, please, please._

"Why is Cloud Strife looking at us?"

Why, indeed, I thought. The asshole.

Aerith's question was reasonable. Cloud Strife didn't look at girls often. The most popular of the rumours was that he had a girlfriend that went to Nibelheim High School, and he was too ashamed to admit it. If only they knew.

I wanted to turn around and glare at him. I didn't. So I shrugged as if that explained everything.

It didn't.

—

I hesitated before letting myself in Cloud's house that afternoon. His mother's car was parked in front, which meant that I would have to play the friend. I snorted at the thought. Instead, I rang the doorbell. To my relief, it was Cloud who answered. He didn't seem to be a good mood. I could tell from the way he close the door behind me with a little too much force.

"Is your mom there?"

"Yeah, in her office. She just went in."

Great news. Once she started working, Camilla Strife didn't stop for hours.

Cloud headed for the kitchen, and I followed him, taking off my jacket at the same time. He grabbed a bottle of water, offered me something to drink, and sat down at the table. I did the same, making sure to keep some distance between us. He had the nerve to look amused for a second.

"Do you think she'll mind?"

"Why? She's used to seeing you around." To my dismay. I wasn't here to play the dutiful girlfriend or the happy friend, and I had the feeling his mother was starting to notice.

"You know what I mean."

He leaned back in his chair, took a large gulp of water, his eyes never leaving me. "Yeah. I do."

I crossed my legs, my dress riding up a few inches. His gaze drifted away from my face. Without another word, he grabbed my leg gently, and hauled me closer. The chair scrapped against the floor, a grating sound that I ignored. His hand snaked its way to my thigh. My breathing hitched.

"I'm not doing shit in your kitchen."

The spell broke and he released me, laughing. The cloud of lust hadn't left his eyes. He got to his feet, offering me his hand. I took it, just like I did every other day I came here, and let him lead me into the basement and in his bedroom. Once there, I threw my jacket on his desk, not caring as it knocked something on the ground. Cloud had my dress over my head in a matter of seconds.

"You were staring at me today," he said, face buried in my hair. The one thing I knew for certain about Cloud Strife was that he adored my hair.

"You were, too."

"I was. Reno saw you."

"And?"

He didn't say anything, only kissed me.

We laid in his bed afterwards, the thin sheet covering our bare bodies. We both stayed on our side of the bed. I guess it was one of those days, the ones where he sensed the tension on my body and didn't want to anger me.

_It's one of those days where I realize how foolish I am_, I thought while lighting a cigarette.

"Still smoking?"

I shrugged. "Trying to smoke less."

Cloud nodded, as I knew he would, and shifted on his side to look at me. His head rested in his hand, the other drawing sensual letters on my middle. He liked to do that.

Observing him, I couldn't help but remember all these cheesy novels where the guy adopted the same posture, and a chuckle escaped me.

"What is it?"

"Nothing. Just you looking stupid."

Cloud scoffed, throwing the sheets of his body and standing up to find his clothes. I didn't peek; I thought there was something intimate about watched someone dress after sex. I didn't feel like it applied to us.

"I'm meeting the guys at the park," he grunted. "You can… let yourself out, all right?"

_Don't come with me._ The unsaid statement hung between us like a curse, weighing me down and draining me from my energy.

"Sure, sure. I'll take a shower before, though."

He let out a laugh as he rummaged in his closet for a clean shirt.

"If I wasn't in a hurry I'd stay."

I didn't answer. My eyes drifted from him to the ceiling where the classic star stickers glowed lightly in the darkened room.

"You've got work tomorrow?'' Cloud asked. He sat at the end of the bed, taking my foot and massaging it through the sheets. I purred in the back of throat, disentangling my leg from the bedclothes and posing it on his lap. I stamped out my cigarette in the ashtray that was on the ground.

"Yeah," I finally replied. I opened the drawer of his beside table for a gum, finding about three empty packs and four new ones in it. All mint flavor. Perfect. "Friday, too. I finish at eleven."

"Okay. I'll come pick you up Friday then."

He kissed me, long and deep, fingers intertwined with mine.

"Bye," I breathed.

Cloud got to his feet, and without another glance, climbed up the stairs. Leaving me alone and cold in his bed.

_Story of my life_, I couldn't help but think.

—

There was a new student. A _male_, like Gossip Queen Anabel told me. It was hard to tune out someone with a voice like hers. I bet they could hear her in the next town.

Anabel was the kind of girl I hated because she wanted to be friends with everyone only for the reputation it would give her. That was exactly why she was losing her time telling me about this new guy. We were walking toward the school. Five minutes ago she had received a text from her friend concerning the new piece of meat walking through the Academy's corridors.

"I bet he's really rich! You think I'd have a chance with him?"

Dream on, darling.

"Probably."

"Really?" Insert squeal of joy. Oh, my poor ears. "You'd do me a favor, Teef?"

I'd rather die.

"Sure."

"Think you could go talk to him with me? You're so skilled with guys!"

If she only knew what a disaster I was with guys.

Seriously, I don't know how this ridiculous rumour got started.

"We'll see. Perhaps he's _really_ ugly."

Because if he was, she'd leave me alone.

"Oh, no! Ashely told me he was _hot_."

I should go murder the guy. Then I'd do her the favour of not being rejected.

"Hey, look at the time, Anabel. We're late by ten minutes!"

We weren't. We were early. She didn't bother checking the time, taking my word for the truth, as I knew she would.

"Oh my god! We have to run! Hurry!"

Have fun racing to the school, honey.

I felt like laughing aloud as I watched her run like the world was ending. But my smile was quickly wiped off my face when I arrived in front of the park. There was only one skate ramp, and I could discern two guys sitting at the bottom. One had long black hair and was smoking. I knew him, too.

Vincent Valentine. Cloud's best friend. He didn't go to the same school as us; he actually lived in the next town, which wasn't far. I knew the two had been friends since the diapers.

Cloud himself was near, comfortable in his large grey hoodie and dark blue jeans. I guess he had decided to skip school today. Watching him in such comfortable and warm clothing made me wince. I was wearing the obligatory uniform and the short skirt didn't protect much. Cloud had his headphones on and I was certain his eyes were closed. However, Vincent was staring at me with an emotionless expression. Great. I bet he had seen me after a minute of being rooted in the same spot and gazing at his friend. I met his glance for a few seconds before averting my eyes, but not soon enough. I started walking again, faster than earlier. I had seen Vincent hit Cloud to get his attention.

Rapid footsteps could soon be heard. I hesitated, knowing that he would catch up with me. Admitting defeat, I stopped and waited for him.

"What do you want?" I could tell that the anger in my voice startled him.

"Just came to say hi."

I turned around brusquely. I was cold, I hadn't eaten breakfast, and last night had left an empty feeling inside of me.

Cloud looked like he hadn't slept in days, but I doubted it was the case. The way he moved was slow, like every move was too much. I wanted to ask him why he was tired, and the need burned my tongue. I held it back.

"You must be freezing," he murmured, looking everywhere except at me.

I snorted. There was nothing more I wanted but to be warm in his arms, and I knew it wouldn't happen. "I'm wearing a skirt, Cloud."

"I noticed." His voice hadn't implied anything lewd. He cleared his throat a few times. "You wanna spend the day with us?"

I did my best to conceal my surprise. It was the first time Cloud had asked me to hang out with him during the day. And with a friend. With Vincent. Who, I was guessing, knew about our relationship. About the girl is best friend fucked.

"I'm gonna be late for school," was all I said before turning around and leaving him there. He didn't chase after me, and I didn't expect him to.

—

I nearly bashed my head on my locker when I heard that the new kid was in almost all my classes. Anabel had managed to corner him and ask him about his schedule.

"You're _so_ lucky, Teef! Don't forget what you promised me!"

Yeah, sure. Except I hadn't promised anything.

When I entered my Calculus classroom, there was only one seat left. And it was next to a cute guy with spiky black hair and clear eyes.

I rolled my eyes.

Great. The new student was my neighbour for the next fifty minutes.

I walked to my seat, trying my best to ignore the blue orbs following me. I swallowed. In a way he was so much like Cloud. His posture, his eyes, the way he wore his uniform, the careless glances around him.

I took my seat and immediately dropped my head to the desk to catch up sleep. Drowning the teacher's voice wasn't a hard task, but paying no attention to the little papers being thrown at me, that was something else. Getting fed up, I raised my head, only to get one of the small projectile right between the eyes. The culprit wasn't hard to find as he was sitting next to me and snickering. Without a word, I threw the wannabe bullet back at him, glaring. He easily caught it, his left eyebrow twitching in laughter. I watched silently as he wrote something on the piece of paper. When it landed on my desk, I hesitated. I didn't feel like talking or just interacting with people at the moment. But this guy looked persistent.

_**Hey. Name's Zack Fair. You?**_

That was all? Hell, he could have just asked like normal people did.

I gave him a look that clearly said 'What the fuck?' Zack simply shrugged, mimicking someone writing. I didn't really want to answer him, but I found myself replying. I didn't do stuff like that; I usually took a nap through Calculus classes since it was my strongest point, and I normally didn't sleep much.

_Tifa Lockheart. Now let me sleep in peace._

I could tell he _really_ wouldn't leave me alone when he started snickering again.

_**No luck on that. Tifa's short for Tiffany? **_

_Zack's short for Zachary?_

_**No way, sweetheart. **_

_Then no, moron._

_**Can I have your number?**_

I raised an eyebrow at that. That was definite no, all right. I threw the paper back without answering, turning my attention to the teacher to show him I wasn't interested anymore.

"C'mon, princess, don't be like that," Zack whispered, leaning in to poke me in the ribs. I nearly gave out a yelp. I was very ticklish. "I won't ask again, I promise. Anyway, we gotta partner up." He grinned wolfishly, jerking my desk toward his.

"Hey! Careful, stupid. You don't treat a girl like that." I glared at him.

Around us, people had begun moving to find a teammate. Nobody was coming in our direction. I wasn't friend with anybody in this class, and Zack was new. Which meant…

"Great," I moaned. "I'm stuck with you." I buried my head in my arms as Zack patted me on the shoulder.

—

Zack had gym with me next. While I still had difficulty getting used to him, he wasn't such an annoying jackass in my eyes anymore. He liked to talk, that was for sure.

"What excuse did you give the teacher?"

"I didn't give him any excuse. He knows I suck at basketball."

"Well, I can't play so I might as well stay with you."

"Go away."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"I say yes, damn it."

"I say no. Can we stop acting like four-year-old now?"

"You started it."

"You know, princess, you're pretty immature for your age."

"Says the guy who throws papers to get a girl's number."

"Busted."

There was a pause where we watched the ball move swiftly across the court. Jeremy Davenport did a lay-up, making Zack's team fall behind.

"I love the sport."

"Basketball? It's not half bad, I guess. Why can't you play?"

"Broke my knee during the winter. I've got to wait a few months until I can do sports again. It sucks."

I hummed my agreement. The teacher, Barrett Wallace, was yelling at Anabel for not concentrating. Barrett liked to yell at anyone.

"He's very expressive."

I snorted. "Very. The principal doesn't give a shit."

Zack nodded, and we fell silent.

At the end of the day, I was ready to go home and prepare for work when Zack appeared on my left, leaning on the locker next to mine. We had had lunch together, mainly because Aerith was missing and I hadn't wanted to eat all alone. He was fun to be around.

"You doing something tonight?" Zack asked. He had his light coat on and his backpack thrown over his shoulder. I shrugged nonchalantly.

"I need to get to work."

Zack chewed on the inside of his cheek, looking at me strangely. "What?" I laughed slightly. "Do I have something on my face?"

"No… But… you want a ride to work?" He scratched the back of his head, as if he was nervous about what he had just said. "I know we just met today," he went on, "but if you wanted… Or I could come pick you up!"

We began walking toward the school exit. The corridors were nearly empty.

"Why are you trying so hard, Zack? I take the bus to come back. I finish really late, anyway." He pushed the door open, letting me go through first. I mumbled a small thank you.

"Just trying to be friendly. I promise you I'm not some crazy rapist murderer."

I chuckled at that. "I know. But I don't think you want to drive a girl around when it's past eleven."

I worked from five to eleven, three days a week. The restaurant was twenty minutes away from my house if I walked fast, a little longer from the school. The final bell rang at three thirty, which left me the time to go get my uniform and be on time.

"I'll drive you there, then."

I played with the sleeve of my jacket, pulling it over my knuckles. I could accept and be there a little in advance, or I could walk. But the temperature was freezing.

"Oh, alright. But we gotta hurry up. I need to go home and change first."

A bright smile lighted his face, and he put an arm around my shoulders, leading me toward his car.

"Zack… remove the arm," I growled, bumping him with my hip.

"Relax, I'm over putting a move on you, princess. But I want your number so I can call you this weekend. Just acting friendly, remember?"

I didn't know if it was true, but it felt nice, just pretending.

I spent my days pretending. Saying that I felt nothing for Cloud; telling Aerith that, yes, I'd like to go shopping; lying to the world about having a good life.

But it was different this time. There was nothing to lose, no disgusting truth behind the mask. Just the need to have a friend.

We were nearing his car—an old black car that still looked in shape—when I noticed another vehicle, parked a little further, with a blond man resting against it, his blue eyes keeping track of my every move. Zack hadn't seen him yet—he was searching for his keys in his bag, muttering a few curse words. I whirled around, presenting my back to Cloud.

What the _hell_ was he doing here?

My phone started buzzing. What, he was too much of a coward to come speak to me in person?

I answered anyway. I would give the bastard a piece of my mind.

"What?"

Zack raised his eyes to me, startled. I saw he had finally found his keys. He got up from the ground at the same time Cloud replied.

"Who's this guy?" His voice was gruff. I smiled. I took a few steps away from Zack, wordlessly telling him it wouldn't take long.

"Why, are you jealous?" My small smile became a grin. It was fun teasing him.

He didn't answer right away, and when he did, I gulped. It wasn't what I had expected.

"What if I was?"

I couldn't help turning around a bit. He was staring at me quite openly.

"I'm not sleeping with him, if that's you think," I said curtly.

He sighed into the phone. "That's not what I meant."

I licked my lips in thought. I didn't want to bombard him with question.

"Okay, then. He's… hmm, he's just a friend." I didn't need to justify myself. "I'll see you tomorrow," I rushed, ending the call.

I strolled back to Zack's car, trying my best to act composed. Zack just gave me a small grin, but I didn't like the twinkle reflected in his eyes.

"Ready to go home?"

I got into the car after looking back at Cloud one last time. His gaze was riveted on his closed phone. He softly scraped his jaw like he did when something was bothering him.

I knew it probably had to do with me getting a ride from a guy he didn't know. And I couldn't help feeling some satisfaction inside of me.

"Where to, princess?"

I glanced at Zack from the corner of my eyes. I didn't think he had noticed anything going on with Cloud and I. At least I hoped.

I gave him the directions to the apartment complex where I resided with my father.

It was a silent drive.

—

**A\N: **Hello again, folks! As you can see, I'm rewriting this story, but don't fear if you liked the original version — this one is rather similar, and if you might recognize some parts that are nearly identical. For the first few chapters, I'll post one every week, since they are already written. Afterwards, well, we'll see! (aren't I funny—and yes, please note the sarcasm). Also, this story won't be too long. I'm guessing around 12 chapters.

_**Song: **Dirty Little Secret_ - The All-American Rejects_  
_


	2. Désenchantée

**2. **Désenchantée

—

**A/N: Please read the first chapter. This story is being rewritten.**

—

The first beating came when I was eight years old.

My mom had recently died in an accident. He came home really late one night.

He wasn't drunk. He was perfectly conscious of what he was doing. It didn't stop him.

The second beating came when I was nearing sixteen.

It was the end of my sophomore year. He would only pay for my school and the food. Everything else that I wanted, I had to pay for.

He almost always ate in cheap restaurants or ordered take out. The days I worked, I ate there. The days I went to Cloud's, I would grab a little something on my way out, or if I spent the whole night, Cloud and I ate pizza or we would cook a little something. The remaining nights, I did some cooking.

The last time my father and I had eaten together was three weeks ago.

It was at the end of April that it happened. I was home, doing some homework, and he was in the living room, watching television. I hadn't eaten anything since noon except for an apple in the afternoon, and I was hungry like hell. I didn't think twice about going to ask dad if he could lend me some money to order something. I was sure he hadn't eaten yet. He told me there was some stuff left in the refrigerator. I was heating the meal in the microwave when he came in and started to hit me.

I never understood what exactly had come over him.

After it was finished, I took off, leaving him yelling behind me. I caught a glimpse of myself in the window on my way out. A bruise was forming on my right cheek, and I could tell it would be nasty. My lip was split and there was a bump on the back of my head. I had bruises all over my sides on a few on my arms.

I was used to the occasional pushes or slaps. But the beatings? Nobody can ever get familiar with them.

I had been wandering aimlessly for about an hour before I broke down crying near a run down dinner. The air was cold, and it had been raining a few hours ago so the ground was still wet but I didn't care. I heard a few cries near so I tried to muffle my sobbing but there was nothing to do. I didn't want anybody to find me.

It didn't take long for my crying to subside. I didn't move from my spot as a group of guys got into a fight a little farther. I could see them from where I was, but I doubted they could see me. From this distance I didn't recognize any of them, but I was sure they were from my school.

I spent nearly thirty minutes observing people and cars passing by me.

It was Vincent Valentine who found me.

He didn't say anything at first. He just walked by and plopped down next to me. I was leaning on the wall, hugging myself, and he had his knees drew in front of him, his forearms resting on them.

His face was all bruised, too. He told me later it was from the fight I had witnessed.

His hair was shorter, then, but he had still tied a red bandanna around his head. He had jeans, a tee shirt and a jacket on. I was in sweatpants and tank top. He gave me his hoodie and a cigarette. He asked me if I had gotten in a fight. I told him it was something like that. He told me his name and gave me his number. I did the same. He gave me a ride home around midnight.

I never called him. He never called me

When I saw him in September at the park, we talked a little, and he introduced me to his friend.

That was when I met Cloud. I transferred to Nibelheim Private Academy not long after that.

I had only see Vincent three times in my life. So when Zack parked his car in front of my apartment building, I felt like shooting myself at the sight of him waiting in front of the main doors.

I knew why he was here. He was aware of my relation with Cloud and wanted to talk to me about it. Or out of it.

I knew it was the cowardly thing to do, but I really didn't want to face him.

We were gone before Vincent even noticed us. Thankfully, Zack didn't ask questions. At least, not until we reached my workplace.

"Are you sure you work here?"

"Zack…"

"No, seriously, Teef, this building looks like it's about to destroy itself."

"That's very nice, Zack. I'll see you tomorrow."

I got out of the car, ignoring him. It was true that the bar was a bit… dusty. But the inside was nice enough, although _7th Heaven_ certainly wasn't the big spot in town. The clientele was mostly composed of harmless drunks who cried about their moms or whatever the whole night, and perverted old men who spent their evening staring at the waitresses' butts.

I watched as Zack's car sped off, soon disappearing at the end of the street, before setting foot in the restaurant. The only people in besides the kitchen staff were Shera, a waitress, and a drunken guy who was always there. I smiled a little at the sight of Cid. I waved at Shera, then went to change in the employees' room. The uniform wasn't comfortable: the blue polo was too tight, and the black skirt was too short. We could wear tights at least, and were forced to have clean, black shoes. I wrapped up the black apron my hips, and put my long hair up in a ponytail. There was a mirror inside my locker and I turned a bit to look at myself.

The girl stared at me with jaded eyes and a dull expression. She looked annoyed, her mouth set into a neutral line. Wisps of dark brown hair framed her face. I was surprised at how my eyes were lifeless. I never really took time to observe myself in a mirror; in the morning I usually did my hair and makeup in less than three minutes so not to be late, and never paid attention to how I _really_ looked.

I didn't like the image of the girl, the reflection of myself. I felt as though I carried the weight of the world on my shoulders when I certainly didn't. I wasn't spoiled—far from it. I didn't have everything I wanted. My father slapped me, and most of the times I couldn't even blame the alcohol for the hits. I had one friend whom still loved me even though I didn't pay her as much attention as I should have. I was in love with a guy who used me for sex.

I barely admitted to myself that I loved Cloud, but I knew it was the case. The bastard had stolen my heart and didn't seem on his way to return it.

"Bloody hell," I whispered, savagely closing my locker's door and exiting the room.

—

When eleven o'clock rolled around, I was dead on my feet, and I was grateful when Jackson, the manager, didn't keep me longer than necessary. I had a bus to catch. Or not, I thought as I left the restaurant. Cloud was there without his car, the gallant knight escorting me home.

"Are you stalking me?" I deadpanned, walking past him.

"Would you like that?" He started after me.

"You're sick."

"It was a joke."

I shook my head.

"Tifa." I ignored him. "Teef," he said, softly this time. I let him grab my hand. I hated how weak I could be.

"I'm not having sex with you tonight."

He sighed, his grip on my hand slackening until it was dangling by my side again.

"Not everything is about sex, Tifa." There was a flicker of annoyance in his voice.

"It is with us."

"Because that's what you want it to be."

I didn't deny it. As a matter of fact, I didn't say anything. Because there was nothing to say.

I chuckled. I was such a liar. There was a lot to say, actually. So much. But I couldn't. Not yet. Maybe not ever.

"What's so funny?"

Everything. "Nothing."

"Come on, you can tell me."

I wanted to—I wanted to tell him I found my life ridiculous. Pitiable. Not worth it. That this arrangement between us hurt me more than it gratified me. That I loved him even though he didn't love me. But I kept my mouth shut.

"It's nothing," I said after a while. He left it at that.

When we got to my apartment, he stayed a few feet away, hands in his pockets. It meant he didn't want to talk anymore. He was looking away, head tilted to the side. Tell-tale signs I knew so well.

"Thanks for walking me back." I didn't face him.

His arms wrapped around my waist from behind as I fumbled with my keys. His lips dropped to my neck.

"I wish you wouldn't trap yourself like that," he murmured, each syllable a caress.

My body stiffened. He waited a few seconds, then sighed when I kept on being silent.

"Good night."

I closed my eyes as I listened to his footsteps fade away.

My father was watching TV as I got inside, the same thing he always did every night of his life.

"Hi," I mumbled, partly wishing he wouldn't hear me. His eyes never left the screen. The volume was too loud. I didn't mention it.

My room was small, barely big enough for my bed and my night table. After getting into my PJs, I curled on my bed, drawing the covers over my head in the hopes of drowning the sounds coming from the television. It didn't work. I had homework to do, but I wasn't feeling up to it. I wasn't feeling up to anything much these days.

So I tried to sleep, but after an hour, I couldn't take it anymore. I kicked the covers away, getting tangled in them in the process, and went into the living room. Dad was sleeping, head thrown back, snoring as loudly as humanly possible. The TV was still blaring. I stood standing for a full two minutes before grabbing my uniform and a change of underwear, throwing them into my bag, and exiting the apartment, making sure to slam the door on my way out.

Cloud answered on the final ring. "What it is?" He sounded pissed. I didn't blame him.

"I want to see you."

Silence. Then, "It's the first time you say that to me."

"Does it matter?" I snapped. "I want to see you now. I'm on my way."

"Alright."

He hung up. It meant he was on his way. I waited at the nearest bus stop. He would know where to find me. And surely, not even ten minutes later, his car pulled up. I got in, immediately leaning across the console to kiss him.

He pulled back. "What happened?"

"Does it matter?"

"You keep saying that."

"Does it _matter_?"

Cloud's expression suddenly became serious. "It does."

Fuck.

I hadn't been expecting that.

I hated myself. I always pestered him with questions of the genre, hoping he would answer the way I wanted him to, but knowing he wouldn't. This time, he had proven me wrong.

I wanted to cry. Instead, I turned away from him, staring out of the window. The car was still parked.

"Sorry to have bothered you so late." My voice was lifeless.

Cloud cursed. I jumped when he hit the steering wheel.

"Damn it, Tifa." He scratched his jaw. "Fine."

He started the car, and as soon as we got to his house, he got out as quickly as he could, not waiting for me. I went after him, doing my best to be discreet so as not to wake his mother. When I got into his bedroom, he was throwing his hoodie across the room in frustration. I watched as he got in his bed, his back facing me.

Making decisions was hard.

"I—" My voice cracked. "I couldn't stay there."

I saw the muscles in his back tighten.

"What happened?"

Cloud didn't know about my father, other than we had a bad relationship. I had never been able to tell him, saw no reason to. I avoided him when I had bruises. He didn't ask unnecessary questions.

"Nothing." I began to take out my pyjamas. "Honestly. I just couldn't stay there."

I crawled in the bed, kneeling next to him. I need to tell him everything surfaced again, and it took all my self-control to supress it. I couldn't do that.

He rolled around until he was on his back. I could barely make out the outline of his features.

"Get some sleep."

"I don't want to sleep," I whispered.

He reached up to swipe some of my hair behind my ear. It was a strangely tender gesture coming from him.

"I don't think it's a good idea."

"I don't care."

He didn't protest, and if he noted my urgency as I kissed him, my hands wandering towards his sweatpants, yanking them down.

"Tifa—"

"What?" I said, out of breath. His grip on my waist tightened. My shirt found its way on the floor. He sat up slightly, and placed an open-mouthed kiss right below my breasts. I sighed, running my hands through his hair. He brought me down with him as he fell back on the bed.

"Just know that I care, alright?"

At his words, my mind blanked, and my body went on auto-pilot. I was only faintly aware of what I was doing, and Cloud didn't seem to realize it.

Nobody ever seemed to realize it. Nobody ever realized _anything_. They were all too blind, too preoccupied, to selfish, too fucking happy to realize anything. It was easy to deceive people, to make them think everything was perfectly fine. To add a bit of drama in your life when needed not to arouse suspicions—since, after all, nobody had perfect lives. Who would want that.

Cloud said he cared, and it made me want to laugh. To laugh until my sides hurt, until unstoppable tears ran down my cheeks, until I collapsed from exhaustion.

Nobody cared. Care, love, like—they were all words that were thrown around so easily. How could you know if you truly cared for someone? When it was too late? When they were so far gone your help wasn't worth shit and your actions useless? I didn't know. I don't think I had ever known.

I loved Cloud, and that was the only thing that kept me anchored. I needed him in my life. I needed to _feel_ needed. Did I care what happened to him? I did, in my own twisted way.

As he slept soundly, one arm thrown around my hips, I stared at the ceiling, unable to let go of his words and my thoughts. I wanted to rip my brain out.

Cloud's cellphone vibrated, and he shifted, but didn't wake up.

Finally, I closed my eyes.

"Good night," I said to myself.

—

**A/N: **The two next chapters will be posted next Friday! After that, the story will have an irregular updating schedule, unfortunately.

_**Song: **Désenchantée - _Kate Ryan


	3. I Want to Hold Your Hand

**3.** I Want to Hold Your Hand

—

_I blamed Aerith._

_It certainly wasn't the thing to do, since it wasn't her fault, but I blamed her anyway. If she hadn't gone on vacation somewhere in the North, I wouldn't be here. I would have been with her, in her house, and we'd drink champagne even though it was illegal for us to do so, and we'd watch TV until it was midnight, and when it'd be midnight we would have jumped in each other's arms, yelling "Happy New Year!" over and over again._

_But she wasn't here. Which meant that I had had to find a way to get out of the house for the night, and find a place to celebrate the New Year. The party was the obvious choice, and my final decision. I didn't know anybody except for Aerith and a girl in my PE class named Yuffie. Staying home wasn't an option, so I headed for the party. I didn't know who hosted it; I only knew where to go. It wasn't really difficult, what was with all the cars parked in front of the gigantic house._

_Now, everything was kinda fuzzy around me. I was aware that I wasn't walking straight, that I kept bumping into walls, doors and people, and that a goofy, unnatural smile wouldn't disappear off my face. Maybe I was drunk. Maybe not. Can you tell you're drunk when you are? Maybe I wasn't that drunk. I didn't care._

_I found myself in a library. No, seriously, there were so many bookcases covering the four walls I didn't feel like I was in house anymore. Three leather couches were spread around the room, and I plopped myself down on one. I giggled. They were so big I could get lost in them._

_My head was hurting a bit, so I laid down and stared at the ceiling, the grin still etched on my face._

_I kept thinking that I should call a cab and get the hell out. I thought that maybe I wasn't supposed to be in this room at this very instant. It wasn't some very demanding thinking but I stopped forcing my mind. It just made the pounding increase._

_The door behind me opened. I heard it, but I couldn't muster the energy to get up and see who had entered my little haven. I discerned some grunting, some unsteady steps, and soon a guy was sitting at my feet. I didn't think he had seen me yet. I didn't attempt to make my presence known._

_He rested his head on the top of the couch, eyes still closed. His blond hair was messy and his shirt had beer stains on it. For some weird reason I liked his shirt. It looked like he had two shirts on, one long-sleeved, the other a simple tee shirt. The sleeves were long enough to cover his knuckles. I thought it caught my attention because it seemed comfy, to a point where I would have loved to wear it to go to sleep._

_Observing him, I realized his identity wasn't a secret to me. That guy was the one Vincent had introduced me to in September. Cloud, Claude, Clod, I didn't remember._

_I nudged him with my foot. He turned to glance at me, not surprised to see somebody sprawled besides him._

"_You're the skater guy? Claude Striff?"_

_He frowned. "Cloud Strife."_

_I waved, indifferent._

"_Are you Vincent's friend?"_

_It was an easy question but for some reason it bothered me. Was he my friend?_

"_I don't think so," I answered. "But I met you at the park."_

"_Yeah."_

_We stayed silent for a few minutes. My feet hurt a little, being squashed against his legs. He seemed asleep enough, so I settled them on his lap. His eyes snapped open in surprise, but I thought it was due to his being almost sleeping._

"_Hope I'm not bothering you."_

_He shrugged. I could tell it didn't annoy him. I had removed my shoes before climbing on the couch, anyway._

"_Didn't catch your name," he grumbled. His arms were slung over the sofa's top, his right dangling over my midriff, his fingers absentmindedly playing with his shirt's fabric. I found the habit kind of cute._

"_I'm Tifa."_

_The next hour was a blur. We talked, talked, talked, and all I knew was that suddenly he was right besides me and my head was hidden in the crook of his shoulder. We continued to speak. Then, we weren't. Clothes came off and I couldn't say which one of us had initiated the kiss. It was sloppy at first, not totally emotionless but almost, but at least it was a kiss. He climbed on top of my body, or perhaps I climbed on top of his. My vision was foggy, and his eyes were misty with lust and something ambiguous. He kissed my neck, ran his hands down my curves, hitched my leg higher and tighter around his hips, held me around the waist. He was clumsy, but he knew what he was doing. I gripped his arms, caressed his back, laid down kisses on his jaw, intertwined my hand in his hair. I wasn't more graceful than him. It was drunken sex in all its glory._

_When he collapsed on me, I felt disgust rise up in my mouth for a fraction of a second. It vanished, letting its place to drowsiness. We put on our clothes not long after._

_I had the urge to laugh at what had just happened but I didn't. You didn't laugh in such situation. But it was still funny to me._

_I giggled._

_Cloud looked over his shoulder, probably wondering why the hell I had chuckled. I finished putting my shirt on and we went upstairs. As we passed the kitchen, I saw it was nearly midnight. Dizzy, I let Cloud's hand on the small of my back guide me to the living room where everybody was squeezed. For a moment I believed I lost him in the crowd, but he was by my side again before I could even search for him. One of his friends was singing, drunker than us, his arm around Cloud's neck. It seemed to me all the school had been invited, and I knew less than a dozen students._

_People started yelling, going '5, 4, 3, 2, 1, Happy New Year!' around me, and all I felt was confusion. Someone kissed me. I opened my eyes to see Cloud, so I closed them again._

_Later, when we were parked in front of my apartment, some rock band playing in the background, Cloud asked me if I was the girl in his Biology class, the one who was always there in advance. I was practically dozing, curled in the front seat, my coat warped tight around me. I gave him a sleep-induced smile._

"_Noticed me?"_

"_Sure did." He nodded. His answer pleased me._

_He hadn't driven us here; one of his sober friend had. The guy lived in the apartment complex four houses down mine. We weren't drunk anymore, but my mind wasn't clear yet. I didn't think his was either._

_God knows why but I asked him if he wanted to spend the night here, with me, but I was honestly too tired to expect a passionate night. I had the feeling it was the same for him. He accepted, but I was conscious that if this were a normal situation, he would have refused. We both knew it. Or that's what I told myself. I might have been wrong, since I was wrong on many levels._

_My dad wasn't there. I had hoped from the beginning he wouldn't be. If he had been, he would have been drunk, like every other year. It wasn't a big place, but it was big enough for two persons who rarely were in at the same time. _

_We disposed of our coats. I took them to my room; my father might be drunk when he came back, or he could be sober. While I wished for the former, both could happen. He wouldn't check my room, and Cloud could easily get out without drawing attention to himself._

_"Bathroom's over there." I pointed it to him._

_I changed in my room, and gave Cloud a huge tee shirt I used to sleep in so he wouldn't freeze. My dad didn't pay for heating. We went to bed, hiding under the covers, and I was asleep the moment my head touched the pillow. The next morning, I woke up sick. Cloud was already puking in the bathroom when I got there, so I vomited in the sink. I would have to clean up before my father got home, if he wasn't already. _

_Not so long after, Cloud drove off home. Friday of the same week, we bumped into each other after school when he came to eat at _7th Heaven_. We talked a little, but mostly made out in his car. We exchanged our phone numbers, and made a deal. _

"_Kinda like friends with benefits, but without the friends part?" I asked, unsure of what I wanted his answer to be. If people at school knew that Cloud Strife was fucking me, my tranquil life would be turned upside-down. I couldn't decide if that was something I wanted. _

_He looked away, scratching his jaw. "I guess. If that's what you want."_

_I didn't debate for long. This was familiar territory. "Yeah."_

—

Zack took the seat besides me, making Aerith look up. We usually sat alone, so his presence was a surprise to both of us. Aerith hadn't been back until today, Friday, as she had been stuck home with a bad case of flu. I could understand Zack had taken the habit of sitting with me but he could have asked Aerith if she minded.

The annoying prick was grinning.

"Don't flirt," I warned him before he could open his mouth. It was crazy how much I had come to know about him in less than a week.

"Who said I was going to flirt with your beautiful friend, princess?"

"What are you doing right now?" I said, dryly.

I didn't know his grin could get any bigger.

"Eating lunch in company of two magnificent girls."

"You're a lost case."

"Sure am, princess." Zack turned to Aerith. "I'm Zack."

"Aerith," she answered softly. The doctor had told her not to strain her voice so she had been mostly silent throughout the day.

I whacked Zack with my Biology textbook. "Stop staring."

He didn't reply, as he had indeed been staring at her. His tray was so full it made me raise my eyebrows in distaste. How could someone eat fries, pizza and three desserts? Oh, and a bag of chips. Sorry if this was a little unbelievable to me.

"So," Zack started, "I met some people over the weekend."

"What, finally overcame your fear of pestering anybody else than me?"

"Don't be so hard on yourself, princess. You're special."

I rolled my eyes at this one. Sure I was. I kept my eyes riveted on my homework. I hated Biology.

"Is this about flowers?"

"Yeah. I'm trying to find what flowers to buy for my new garden."

"Sweet. I could go with you. I love plants."

"No, you don't," I interjected. "You told me you hate gardening."

Zack gave me a crocked smile, and his gaze was amused. I swear I could see a twinkle dancing in them.

"That was last week."

"Oh, right," I drawled. "I think I already told you your flirting techniques suck."

He winced. "Several times."

Aerith chuckled, the sound throaty. She coughed a bit and drank water.

"I'd love some company."

"Don't you dare encourage him," I scowled.

The bell rang just then. I groaned, as I hadn't had time to finish my homework. Zack had study hall right after lunch so he headed for the second floor. Aerith and I walked slowly to our classes. She looked pensive, but I wasn't very interested to know why was going through her mind. More often than not she was anxious over small, pretty much insignificant things that weren't worth a lot of attention. I asked her anyway, because I knew she wanted to talk about it.

"What's making you all grumpy?"

Her head snapped to the right in surprise and a smirk tugged at my lips.

"Nothing. I was just thinking about you."

Great.

"What about me?" We stopped in front of her classroom. I leaned against the wall.

"You're different. I mean, since last week."

"Not sure I understand."

She got this faraway look again.

"I think it's Zack. Do you like him?"

I laughed. I really laughed. As in, I threw my head back and just about clutched my sides.

"Oh, God, no!"

"What is it then?" She seemed genuinely curious. That made me sober some.

"Maybe he's just friendly and so careless it makes me laugh. He's change. It's refreshing, I guess."

I knew Aerith wouldn't take it like an insult, like I was tired of her, like she wasn't fun to be around.

She nodded and went inside the classroom. The second bell had already rung so walked a little faster. I hated being late, and detention wasn't a fun prospect. Fortunately, the Biology room wasn't far away. The door was closed when I arrived. I frowned. Professor Gast never closed the door.

But it wasn't Mr. Gast that was giving a lecture in front of the class. It was a thin and gawky man with black hair that was glaring at me. I entered cautiously, making sure not to make too much noise when I closed the door. I had already guessed I was on this guy's bad side for coming in late. What I noticed was that nobody was snickering. They all looked confused. I caught Cloud's eye. He gave a tiny shrug.

"Why are you late?"

Damn, he needed to brush his teeth. Or to get some gum at least. I pretended to brush something under my nose when he talked again.

I didn't bother to explain why I was late. I didn't have an excuse ready, anyway.

"Detention, then, since you apparently have no valid reason to disturb the class. Take your seat."

I sat in the middle of the room, in the third row from the right. It was sort of a perfect place, at least to me. Cloud sat three seats behind me, a row on the left. I often felt the weight of his gaze on me. Sometimes it annoyed me, sometimes it didn't. Today, I didn't know. We hadn't talked since Monday night.

The new teacher glowered at everybody and pushed his glasses higher on his nose. I already missed Gast with his boring lessons.

"I'll be replacing Mr. Gast until the end of the year. I'm professor Hojo. I do not tolerate lateness or homework that isn't done. I often watch detention."

If the guy wasn't bad enough; now I'd probably have him tonight.

He started his class. I couldn't believe he was worse than Gast. I didn't understand a word of what he was saying, maybe because I didn't make the effort to understand. About halfway into the period he called somebody, jolting us all awake.

"Mr. Strife!"

I had thought he was still at the front of the class, but he had gone in the back, right besides Cloud's desk. He smacked the surface of the desk with his book, right besides Cloud's head.

"Wake up!"

Cloud sat up instantly, his gaze still hazy with sleep. Hojo slapped the desk again.

"Detention," he barked.

This was great. Afternoon with Hojo and Cloud. And to top it off, I would be late for work. Awesome.

—

Hojo wasn't the one supervising detention.

I almost started dancing out of relief.

I didn't know the teacher sitting at the desk, and I didn't care overly much to get to know him. He seemed nice enough, not really bothering to look away from the exams he was grading. I made my way to the back of the class, taking one of the many empty seats. No doubt the room would be full in a few minutes.

Although I did my best not to stare at the door, I kept stealing glances, waiting for Cloud to show up. Curiosity had overtaken me. I wanted to know were he would seat. It was so childish, this need to know. He would take the seat he damn well wanted, and I would be left where I was, unhappy no matter which one he would choose.

Cloud got in just as the teacher was about to close the door. His eyes swept over the room, and he didn't hesitate to walk to the back of the class and sit down on my right. I straightened in my chair.

He didn't say anything; only slouched back and took out his phone, sliding it open repeatedly. Thankfully, it didn't make too much noise. I decided on ignoring him. We were the only two people in the back row.

My phone vibrated in my cardigan's pocket.

I refused to take it out immediately. I pretended I hadn't felt it. Another message came in. Strangely, it wasn't curiosity that made me reach for it after it resonated for the third time. It was boredom.

I glanced at the teacher to make sure he was busy. Mr Papers-to-grade hadn't budged an inch.

_This is random, but I love your hair today._

I tried to repress the smile. I really did.

_Let's play a game. _

_I ask questions, you answer, and then we switch. OK? _

I rolled my eyes, but started typing anyway.

_Sure._

_OK. Can you come over this week for dinner? Mom wants to see you._

_What kind of game is that? _

_Just answer the question._

_I guess. _

_Awesome. Who is that guy hanging around with you?_

_Zack? He's new. _

_Why is he always with you?_

Great. Did we have to go over this again?

_Zack is my friend. Why do you think Aerith is always with me?_

He didn't reply for a minute or two, and I nearly grinned in satisfaction.

_Alright. Talking about Aerith, I found out she's in one of my classes. We got paired up for a project._

I didn't know what to say to that. There was no way I could stop these two from talking to each other, but it still made me uncomfortable. My best friend and my—my what? My secret lover? That sounded too romance novel for me. My best friend and Cloud.

_Can you please not tell her about us?_

_I figured she didn't know. She didn't seem to recognize me._

I let out a sigh. That was one thing less to worry about.

_Thanks. Keep it that way. _

_Tifa, why won't you tell your friend about us? _

_Do YOU tell your friends?_

My finger stilled above the 'send' button. Did I even want to know the answer? Vincent knew, that was for sure, but it was because he had guessed correctly. I deleted what I had written, then typed it again. Hit 'send'.

_Some. The ones I trust._

This was…unexpected. A thought flashed through my head, and it made me suck in my breath. _The ones I trust._ I had nothing to say to that, just like I had no one to tell about our secret.

A chair screeched as it was moved back, startling both the teacher and I out of our thoughts. Someone had gotten up, maybe in the hopes of sneaking away. A pressure on my hand made me look right. Cloud had untangled my hand from my phone and had intertwined our fingers. His desk was suddenly closer to mine. Our hands lay dangling in between us. Our eyes met for a second, then Cloud moved to rest his head in the crook of his elbow.

I hadn't missed the faint red tint on his cheeks.

I would have believed that my heart would flutter at that. Instead, it felt like someone had planted a knife in it and twisted it mercilessly.

—

**A\N: **I know I said it was going to be two chapters, but the other one isn't ready yet. I have a day off tomorrow, so it should be ready then, or even tonight (who knows?). Some changes in this chapter, but not that much!

Don't forget, I'll have a FAQ starting next chapter so ask away!

_**Song: **I Want to Hold your Hand_ - The Beatles


	4. Words You Shouldn't Believe

**4.** Words You Shouldn't Believe

—

One of Cloud's friends was waiting for him after detention. I internally groaned; it was Reno, probably one of the most annoying guys in all of Nibelheim Academy. He liked to leer at my chest and make comments about my legs. I was sure he didn't know my name.

"'Sup, bro," Reno said, not looking up from his cellphone.

"Why are you here?"

"We were thinking about going to the movies."

I tuned out the rest of their conversation, speeding up past them.

"Tifa."

I stopped dead in my tracks, whipping around, lips pinched together.

Cloud didn't smile, only waved at me. "I'll see you in Biology?"

I nodded tightly, unsure if I should say something, but Cloud's attention focused back on his friend, so I left.

"Man, I'd fuck her so hard if she wasn't such a bitch." I caught Reno's words as I turned a corner. I didn't stop walking until I was outside the school. My phone buzzed. It was Zack.

_You need a ride to work?_

Work. Damn, I had completely forgotten. My shift was starting…now.

_If you don't mind._

_To your left_.

And indeed, Zack was in his car a few feet away to my left. I jumped in, and he took off. We were there in record time, and I was almost out of the car when he spoke.

"I'll come get you, okay?"

Something nagged at the back of my mind, but I only said, "Yeah, thanks," and went inside the restaurant. My boss yelled at me for being late.

"Sorry."

"One more time and I fire you!"

I ducked my head as everyone inside stared at me. In the back room, I changed into my uniform, avoiding looking in the mirror this time, and got on the floor under the scrutinizing glare of my boss. A few clients snickered as I took their orders, but otherwise the evening went one without a glitch. When my shift ended and I left, Zack's words rang in my head, and I remembered what had been bugging me earlier on.

Cloud was supposed to come pick me up tonight. _I'll see you in Biology_. More like _I'll see you tonight_. Shit.

Zack was leaning against his car, toying with his phone. He grinned when he spotted me. I threw a wide glance around, searching for Cloud. He wasn't there. Feelings of relief and disappointment swirled through me as I made my way towards Zack. He opened the door to the passenger seat, waiting until I got in to close it. He asked trivial questions during the ride to my apartment complex; how my night had been, if I had gotten in trouble for being late. I hated small talk.

Cloud was standing near the entrance to my building. I fidgeted in my seat when I spotted him, but otherwise I kept silent. Zack didn't notice him, or if he did, he didn't comment on it. But he wasn't stupid, and considering the number of times he had seen Cloud waiting for me, I was sure he must have started to guess what was going on.

"Thanks for the ride home, Zack."

He pulled on a strand of my hair, forcing me to look his way. "_No hay problema_."

I gave him a tight-lipped smiled. "I'll be going."

"Just a second, princess." Zack grabbed my forearm to stop me from leaving his car.

"What?"

"You wanna do something next Friday? We could go catch a movie."

My eyes widened. "Are you asking me on a date?"

He began to laugh, but I had seen him hesitate. "If that's what you want, princess."

For a second, I was indecisive. I had never been on a date. "No."

Zack pouted in such an exaggerated manner that I raised my eyebrows. It was that pathetic.

"_Fine_." He mock-sighed. "Rejection sucks."

This conversation was making me more uncomfortable than it should have, and I wanted nothing more than to bolt from his car. I didn't do dates. I didn't do normal relationships. I never had. And Zack was my friend—he was good-looking, nice, funny, and loveable, but I couldn't bring myself to see him in a romantic light. There was already someone in the spotlight.

I patted his shoulder. "Next time, buddy."

"Don't get my hopes up too high!" Zack yelled as I stepped out. Cringing, I walked towards Cloud. There was no way he hadn't heard that.

He was texting, or maybe just messing around with his phone, and didn't lift his head when I got near. I waited until I couldn't make out the sound of Zack's car driving away before saying anything.

"I completely forgot. Zack offered, so…"

He shrugged, finally putting his cellphone back in his pocket. The weather was nice, and he had foregone a jacket. I could see some of his tattoos; one on the inside of his right wrist, a simple _X . VII __. MMI_. The date of his father's death. The other was on his left forearm in typewriter script: _delete the adjectives. _He had gotten—and still got—so much flak from the headmaster for his visible tattoos.

"Are you guys going on a date?"

I stiffened, slightly annoyed. "No. He was joking."

"Alright."

That was all? I wasn't sure whether to feel pleased or let down. I pushed the irritating feeling aside. Clearing my throat, I made a move to unlock the doors. "Well, I guess I'll see you next week?"

His eyes slid to me, and in moment, I swear he looked uneasy.

"Your father's drunk."

I choked. "What? How—how do you know my father?"

"I don't, actually," he said, scratching his jaw. "But I was waiting for you and I saw him come in." Seeing I was waiting for a more detailed explanation, he went on. "He looks a lot like you."

I crossed my arms over my chest. "So why are you still here?"

He sighed, clearly frustrated this time. "You know why." He was staring directly at me.

"I'm not sure I do, actually." My voice was timid, weak; a sure sign I wasn't telling him the truth, and from his visible reaction, he caught on. He mumbled something I couldn't make out, but I was sure it wasn't meant to be very positive.

"Well, I was just staying to make sure you got home safe. So I suppose I'll be going." He took out his phone again, blatantly ignoring me. "Enjoy your date."

"It's not a fucking date," I whispered as he walked away.

Once I got into the apartment, I wanted to murder Cloud.

My father wasn't alone, and though I couldn't see his lady friend, I could definitely hear her. Slamming the door, I went into my room, doing my best to make as much noise as humanly possible. I turned on the radio at maximum volume, and sat on my bed, pretending to do homework, counting the seconds before my father would barge in. It took less than thirty. He was in his underwear. They were askew on his hips; I turned away from the sight, grimacing.

"You fucking bitch," he growled as he unplugged the radio.

"Tell _your_ bitch to pipe down," I said monotonously, lighting a cigarette.

Wrong move.

He snatched it from hand, and before I could back away, he pressed it to my exposed thigh. I screamed, clawing at his hand, but his other one came to my mouth, muffling my voice. The pain tore through me, and I did the first thing I thought of to preserve myself; I bit him. He jumped away, dropping the cigarette on my bed, cursing. I hadn't even drawn blood.

I crawled away, not caring about the bedsheets being burned. For all I cared, the whole apartment could catch on fire. I needed to reach the bathroom to treat the burn, I needed to lock myself away, I need to get away, I needed him to go away, I needed my fucking life to go away.

"You better not make another sound," he yelled as he passed by me, kicking me aside to go through the door. My head hit the side of the bed, and I felt vomit at the back of my throat as my head spun. After a few seconds, or maybe I few minutes, I made it into the bathroom, barricading myself in it. Dragging myself into the bathtub, I turned on the faucet, doing what I could to position my burned flesh under the stream of water. It hurt at first, but eventually my skin became numb.

I could hear them fucking over the water. I wanted to rip my ears out.

I stayed there for what I guessed was half an hour. My clothes were soaked, so I took them off and put on a bathrobe that was hanging behind the door. I rummaged through the cabinets. We had nothing to soothe or treat the burn. The numbness was slowly going away. I used a band-aid as a makeshift solution. I wouldn't be able to wear pants, as the fabric would rub against the injury. Luckily, it was high enough for my school skirt to cover. I would just have to avoid Cloud for a week or two. Easier said than done. I could already feel the urge to go to him. And with our last conversation and my maybe-date with Zack, avoiding him would seem strange.

I changed into my PJs. There was a black hole in the linen; I threw away the cigarette stub that was still lying there. The burn on my leg throbbed. The bed in the next room was banging against the wall. I dialled Cloud's number.

"You should have told me, you fucking bastard," I blurted out as soon as he picked up the call.

"I wanted to."

"You can be so petty, you know that?"

I could imagine him scratching his jaw. "Yeah."

"Christ, if you're just jealous or something, just say it instead." I knew it was unfair to unload my frustration on him, but I couldn't help it.

"I am."

"You're what?"

"Jealous. I'm jealous of Zack."

"Why the hell would you be jealous of Zack?"

There was a distinct note of aggravation in his voice when he spoke next. "He's your friend."

I took some time to digest that. Zack _was_ my friend, that much was true. But Cloud and I…weren't we more than friends? Or were we less than that?

"I—I don't get it."

"It's alright. It's not a big deal."

I sat up. "No, it is. Isn't—isn't what we have enough?"

He didn't answer immediately, and when he did, my confusion and insecurity only grew. "No, it's not," he said softly.

"But…" My voice broke. "You don't us to see each other anymore?"

"I want to keep on being with you."

"Then what's the problem?"

"You really don't get it, do you?"

"Obviously not," I snapped, feeling on edge.

"I want more than what we have right now."

The implications of what he said hit me like a train. He didn't even let me have some time to think before continuing.

"Why do you think I drive you home after work? Or pick up your calls in the middle of the night? Just to have sex with you? If that's what I wanted, I won't lie, baby, I'd go find someone less complicated."

It had been a while since he had called me 'baby'.

"Um, I'm not sure what to say," I muttered, still trying to wrap my head around the fact that Cloud wanted to be my boyfriend. The fact that anyone would want to be my boyfriend.

"Take your time. I'll see you at school, alright?"

I nodded, forgetting he couldn't see me.

"I'll assume that's a yes."

"Yeah," I croaked.

He chuckled. "Awesome. Oh, and Tifa?"

"What?"

"Is it a date or not?"

That got me out of my daze. "It's not."

"Good night, baby."

"'Night."

For the first few minutes after I hung up, I stared at my door, just waiting for someone to run in and tell me it was all a joke. But no one came in.

Holy hell.

It was real.

A whirlwind of emotions knocked the air out of me. I couldn't distinguish them from one another; it was just a big mess—I was a big mess. I began to cry quietly, not sure if they were tears of joy or something else. Probably both. I laughed through the tears.

I knew the negativity I always carried with me would rear its head soon enough—but for tonight, I would repress it, bury it, crush it, and I would revel in the revelation that Cloud _did_ care for me, and that it was enough. That the guy I loved wanted more from me.

A tiny voice at the back of my mind whispered a warning, but I didn't heed it.

Not tonight.

—

All throughout the weekend, I felt absent, as if I wasn't really in my body, but floating above it, doing things robotically, unable to think. The events from Friday night hadn't fully registered, and I didn't want to start pondering over them, because I knew that once I did, I would start to panic.

So when Monday morning rolled around and I entered Biology class and saw Cloud sitting in his usual spot, I felt like vomiting. It was as if everything I had pushed back throughout the last few days suddenly crashed over me, an overdose of emotions and doubts I couldn't deal with. Didn't want to deal with.

I had never had a boyfriend. I couldn't have a boyfriend. I couldn't invest myself in a relationship, couldn't expose my life, my soul, _me. _I was a disgusting, flawed, self-loathing, disappointing mess. Against my better judgement, I couldn't take my eyes off him, and I started to shake. I dropped my textbooks on the floor, and someone behind me grumbled. That's when I realized I was still standing in the entrance, blocking people from coming in.

Hojo's nasty voice rose above the students' chatter. "Miss Lockheart, would you kindly get out of the way?"

For some reason, his words struck a chord. My heart constricted, and my trembling grew worse.

"I-I'm sorry, I'm not feeling well," I stuttered on the last words, and without waiting for the teacher's answer, I bolted towards the infirmary.

I had never been there before, and when I came in, the nurse looked taken aback. I made up a story about menstrual cramps, and buried under the covers once she fell for it. To be honest, I had the impression I could have said anything and she wouldn't have cared.

I closed my eyes, welcoming the darkness.

Damn it, I was such a coward.

Why the hell couldn't I bring myself to take the plunge and enter a more serious relationship with the guy I loved? Wasn't it strange?

Of course it was, I told myself. You _are_ strange, abnormal. You can bring yourself to feel love for a boy, but cannot stomach the thought of him liking—not even loving—you back.

My reasoning had no logic, no beginning, no middle, no end. It was just _there_, haunting me, paralyzing me. Cloud had been right that one time—I _was_ trapping myself. Wasn't that ridiculous? If I walked into a self-made trap, shouldn't I—the person who should know the inner workings of it—be best placed to step out of it? But strangely, I just laid there like an animal waiting to die.

Where had I gone wrong? Why did everyone seem so normal and happy and like they were born to make friends, but I couldn't do any of this? Had there been a class on how to be a proper teenager, and I had missed it? _Normal High School Life 101. _

Right now, I wished I could just stop thinking. I wanted a smoke, I wanted to be high or drunk, and just out of my mind, not feeling, blissfully unaware of the world around me and of my own feelings; and most of all, I wanted to be someone else. If I had been offered the chance to trade my life for anyone else, I would have taken it on the spot. The little I had to lose didn't matter compared to what I had to gain.

The nurse came to check on me at some point, telling me I should head home since school was over, and I complied silently. Thankfully, that night I was working, and when I got home, I was tired that I slept the moment my head hit the pillow. The next day, I was still on edge, and Zack and Aerith abandoned their attempts at pulling me into the conversation after a while.

On Wednesday, Cloud texted me, saying he wanted to talk. I hesitated, but in the end, I didn't reply.

On Thursday, Aerith had a funny smile on her face during lunch, but I didn't dare ask about it. Zack, on the other hand, had no problem doing so.

"What's up with you, eh? You're all smiles and rainbows today."

Aerith leaned in towards me, barely glancing at Zack. This meant girl-talk.

"Tifa, you remember two weeks ago when we went to the mall?"

Vaguely. "Yeah?"

"Well, you remember"—and her smile widened—"when Cloud Strife was looking our way?"

Oh, no. No no no no no no.

"Yes," I breathed. Zack's sharp eyes were rooted on me.

She giggled.

I forced myself to speak. "Lemme guess, he was looking at you?"

"I think so," she whispered excitedly, bringing her hands together. "We started talking last week and he's really nice."

"And cute," Zack added.

"Yes—oh, you!" Aerith shoved him gently.

"Alright, ladies, I don't get something here—why is this Cloud Strife talking to you such a big deal?"

Aerith rested her chin on her intertwined hands. "He's had a couple of girlfriends throughout high school, but during the last year, he stopped dating, or even making friends with girls."

"Ooooh."

She shoved him again. "You're laughing at me!"

He shrugged. "Aren't you making a big deal out of a school project?"

Both Aerith and I whirled around to look at him. "How do you know that?" She asked, suspicious.

I knew because Cloud had told me. I had just never guessed she would interpret his actions this way. Knowing Cloud, he was probably trying to dig up information about me, the sneaky bastard.

Zack put on his best innocent expression. "I have the same class after you and saw you two talk, so I reckoned that's how you guys started talking?"

He was lying. But Aerith didn't seem to notice, or maybe she didn't care.

"Well, yes, that's how we started talking, but when he sees me outside of class, we chat."

Someone might as well have taken a knife and stabbed me.

I was jealous.

Not thinking, I sought Cloud's gaze across the cafeteria. As if he could read my mind, he met my eyes, and immediately sat straight. Damn it. He could tell something was wrong. I probably looked horrified at my own realization, so I did my best to school my features. Too late. Cloud was actually getting up, and I had no doubt he was heading out way.

I opened my mouth before I could stop myself. "He's coming this way."

Aerith gasped, and to my dismay, she blushed. Fuck it all.

As he neared, I got a good look at his face; he was clearly worried. I was so transparent.

"Hey," he said as he stopped behind Aerith, hands in pocket, tie loosened, sleeves rolled up, tattoos exposed—the picture of nonchalance.

Winking at me, she turned around, giving him her best smile. "Hi, Cloud!"

He scratched his jaw. "Mind if I sit with you guys?"

"Where's your lunch?" I said on impulse.

"Tifa!"

Cloud gave me an easy smile. We were playing a game. I could do that. "I already ate. But," he stole a fry from my tray, "I guess I could eat some more."

"You'll get fat."

"Won't you?" He snatched another fry.

"I have a fast metabolism."

"I do a lot of exercise."

Yes, exercise that had me on my back. I was about to say something when Aerith threw me a glance that clearly spelled 'shut up'. So I did. Cloud frowned.

"I didn't know you two knew each other." Her smile was forced. She was second-guessing herself.

"Biology," we both said at the same time. Zack laughed. Cloud tensed, but he waved nonetheless.

"Fair."

"Hey, Cloud."

This time, both Aerith and I were shocked.

"You know Zack?"

"Yeah, he's in one of my class."

I sent Cloud a murderous glare that he subtly shrugged off. That's how he had known about that school project.

Aerith and him started talking, with Zack piping in from time to time. I stayed silent, pretending to be interested in my phone. I didn't glance at Cloud when I suddenly got a text from him.

_What's going on?_

Unable to resist, I peeked at him. He wasn't even looking my way.

This was wrong. So, so wrong.

He couldn't even ask me in person.

I made a decision.

_I was thinking about what you said Friday night. _

The corner of his mouth lifted the tiniest bit as he read it. He was so hopeful.

_And?_

"Who are texting, Cloud?" Aerith asked, evidently a little put off by his lack of attention.

I could see the words forming on Cloud's lips. He was so ready to say 'my girlfriend', and a miniscule part of me wanted him to. But he read my message first. He froze.

"Cloud?"

_I can't._

That was a lie, of course. I could. I just wouldn't. I was unable to bring myself to. I would just bring Cloud in my downward spiral, and I couldn't do that. Especially not when my best friend had a crush on him, no matter how small said crush was. I couldn't betray her.

Cloud gulped and clenched his phone in his hand hard enough for his knuckles to turn white.

"No one," he said.

The bell rang.

I had Biology next.

Sure Cloud wouldn't come with me, I got up from my seat. "See you later, guys."

But no, he had to make my life difficult. "You mind if we make a detour to get my textbook?" He was fleeing my eyes.

I pursed my lips. Saying no would make me look like such a bitch. "Sure."

"Great. Let's go." He didn't say goodbye to anyone, taking off without waiting for me. I followed him.

We didn't head to his locker, but to the second floor guy's bathrooms. They were mostly abandoned because of the smoke detectors, and also because they were situated in a part of the school where there were no classrooms. They were the perfect private spot.

"Cloud, I can't skip, I'm gonna get in trouble."

Still, I went in with him.

The second the door shut behind me, Cloud raked his hands through his hair, and began speaking, verging on yelling. I had rarely seen him lose his calm.

"What the fuck does that mean, _I can't_?"

My own voice was meek. "It just means I can't."

"No, you _won't_. There's a difference, Tifa."

I was caught red-handed. I shrugged.

"Shit!"

"You said yourself you should find someone less complicated."

"Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no, you don't twist my words around to justify your running away."

I glared at him.

He started pace in the little space we had.

"Fuck, and I waited until I was sure you liked me. I _knew_ it would be tough making it work, but I thought it would be worth it, Tifa!"

"You're making it hard on yourself," I muttered, wrapping my arms around myself.

"No, _you're _making hard on yourself!"

"Please don't get angry." I closed my eyes.

I heard him take a couple of deep breaths. "You're right. I shouldn't. Obviously you don't like it when I react like I care about you. It fucking scares you. Sorry about that, baby, I should haven taken your fear of emotions into account."

I winced. As in, I physically reeled back at his words. If only he knew.

"That's not fair."

"Yeah? You know what's not fair? Liking a girl who uses you."

I let out a humourless laugh. "Don't you do the same?"

His eyes widened. "I—I don't—" He ran a hand over his face. "Wow, I don't know what hurts most: that you admitted you use me or that you thought that's what I was doing."

His words sparked anger within me. "You're asking how I could think that? Seriously, Cloud?"

"You're the one who said we shouldn't even be friends!"

I stopped cold.

Had I said that?

_Kinda like friends with benefits, but without the friends part?_

_If that's what you want. _

I had.

Oh my God, I had.

My brain began to hurt, and my chest constricted; the void inside of me opened wide, engulfing everything, and all I suddenly wanted was to run in Cloud's arms. It hurt so much, all I wanted was to feel something else, anything else. I couldn't breathe, my eyes clouded with tears that wouldn't fall, and I let out a sob. He was by my side before I could see him move.

"Shit, baby, I'm sorry, I—I didn't think about what I was saying." He hugged me tightly, smoothing back my hair.

I shook my head. The need to tell him the truth was abruptly overwhelming, and I spoke into his shirt.

"What is it? What did you say?" He said quietly, soothingly.

I inhaled deeply.

"I love you."

To my horror, he took a step back, body stiff, and stared at me without saying anything. Humiliation washed over me, and the tears finally spilled over. As if understanding my reaction, Cloud made a move to take me in his arms again, but I dodged him.

"Tifa—"

"I'm sorry, oh my God, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that, I—I wasn't thinking—"

"Tifa, stop, please." Cloud grabbed my wrist, but I tugged it out of his grip. "Would you look at me, please?" My mind didn't register the desperate tone of his voice.

"Just forget about it!" Oh God, it hurt. It hurt so much.

"No, Tifa, just listen. I was just surprised! I'm sorry, I didn't mean—"

"I just told you I fucking loved you and you—you…you don't love me." My voice broke.

His silence said it all.

Then, "You don't love me."

I froze. "What?"

"You don't love me," he repeated, this time louder.

I didn't stay to listen to whatever else he had to say. I ran, ran, ran away, as far away as I could, until my lungs burst and my legs ached. I walked the rest of the way home. I ignored my phone despite the many calls and texts.

My father was home.

"You lost your job again?"

"Shut up," he slurred.

"You're a shitty parent, you know that?"

He threw an empty beer bottle at me. It bounced on the carpet two feet away from me.

"I hate you. I fucking hate you."

"Feeling's mutual, you little bitch." He tried to get up, but he ended up tripping and didn't get up. I locked myself in my room.

Cloud had sent me 12 text messages, all being variations of 'I'm sorry' or 'We need to talk'. He had left one voicemail, and he sounded so fragile and worried that it broke my heart.

I had fucked up big time. I curled up on my bed, finding myself unable to cry, feeling empty.

I didn't sleep.

The next day, Cloud tried to talk to me before Biology, but I walked right past him. He didn't try again.

Zack was still sticking around after school ended. I had forgotten we were supposed to go somewhere. He took it in stride, not asking questions about my mood and my lack of enthusiasm.

When I got home, my father was up waiting for me. I knew he was waiting because he was doing the dishes. He never did anything in the house unless he didn't have a choice. He had gotten bored; there was probably nothing good on TV.

I shut the door quietly behind me, pretending I hadn't noticed him. I almost made it to my room before he called out for me. I turned around to face him; he was standing in the doorway to the kitchen, drying a plate. The sight was both funny and strange.

"Tifa."

"Yes?"

He jerked his head towards the kitchen. "You left a mess in there."

I swallowed, my hands clenching and unclenching at my side; sweat began to drip down my back. "Sorry, sir."

"Come help clean it up." He waited until I walked in before returning to the sink. "You dry the plates." He handed me the plate. My hands shook so badly I was afraid to drop it. "I said, _take it_."

"Yes."

I took it, nearly sighing in relief when I didn't drop it. He knew how nervous he made me. He was only waiting for me to fuck up. That's what he always did recently, as if he couldn't wait for me to make a mistake and punish me.

"You know," he said, "it's rather disappointing to come back home and finding your kitchen in such disorder."

"Sorry, sir."

"As a matter of fact," he went on, "it's _fucking_ disappointing."

This time when he handed me the next plate, I dropped it. The crash it made as it broke in pieces echoed throughout the apartment; I sucked in a breath, immediately dropping to my knees to clean up.

"I-I'm sorry."

My hands wouldn't stop trembling as I picked up each piece of porcelain.

He laughed. "I knew you couldn't even do the fucking dishes without fucking it all up." He stepped on my fingers; I let out a cry as a sharp edge dug into my palm. Tears were pooling in my eyes. "You're just asking it for."

_It's not my fault, you're just asking for it_.

His words brought back deeply buried memories, and I couldn't contain the tears anymore.

"It's not my fault," I muttered.

The pressure on my hand let off. "What did you say?"

"I said—" The force behind the slap sent me flying on the ground. I could taste blood on my lower lip.

"You didn't say shit."

I crawled on all fours until I was out of the kitchen, leaving a trail of blood behind me. I heard him growl, and his footsteps followed me. He grabbed me by the hair, hauling me to my feet, dragging me towards the kitchen again.

"You'll clean up everything before going to sleep." He threw me against the sink, and I heard him walking away.

The words escaped my mouth before I could stop them. "I won't."

"Excuse me?"

I whirled around. "I won't!" I yelled. "I'm leaving!"

I took a step forward, freezing when I saw he was blocking my only exit. As if he realized it too, he chuckled, burying his hands in his pants' pockets. "Don't let me stop you."

I gritted my teeth. "Move."

That stupid, sadistic smile still there, he shook his head.

"Move!" The tears returned. My rage was starting to die down, and I knew this was a battle I couldn't win.

"And what you going to do if I don't, hmm? Set the apartment on fire?" His voice rose on the last words, and I flinched.

So this was what his anger really was about.

"I—"

"Did you really think I would never find out?" He lunged at me, taking a hold of my wrist, squeezing it so hard I screamed. It felt like my bones were going to break. "My daughter is the town's slut! How fucking _great_ is that! And now you got me wasting money on this fancy private ass school. That's _fucking disappointing_."

Another slap. My head whipped to the side, and I accidentally bit my tongue.

He release me, chest heaving. I didn't wait for him to keep on; I pushed past him and ran for the door. He didn't come after me. I tripped on the last step, barrelling into the glass doors. Resting for a few seconds, I closed my eyes, but the sob escaped me anyway.

I stepped outside, looking like a complete mess. A couple were smoking near the entrance, and they barely glanced my way. Guess they were used to it by now. People preferred to look the other way than to help someone. I had learned that the hard way.

Slowly, I made my way to the bus stop, only remembering I didn't have anything with me except for my phone in my jeans' pocket. No money, no bus pass.

For one hour, I stayed huddled on the side of the road, not flinching whenever a car passed by. No one stopped to ask what I was doing, and I didn't expect anyone to. At some point, I got to my feet and began walking. The logical thing to do would be to head to Aerith's or Cloud's, but I knew I couldn't handle the questions, the worry, the whatever else might result from the truth.

So I walked, wandering around, debating what to do. I couldn't go home tonight, or even for the next few days; I would have to find a place to stay. I was about to give up when the time neared 1AM and I spotted a familiar car in an unfamiliar driveway. Zack's car.

Cautiously, I made my way across the street, and checked the inside of it; it was identical as the car I had left earlier tonight, with the same textbooks in the backseat, the same empty soda cans on the floor.

Before I could even think about it, I was ringing the doorbell.

I knew it was a mistake. If I couldn't bring myself to go to Cloud's or Aerith's, then why would Zack be different? But the answer was easy to find; Zack _was _different. He had seen sides of me I had always tried to keep hidden; he knew without me telling him that something was wrong; he was my fresh start.

I started panicking when he didn't come answer the door. Taking out my cellphone, I dialled his number twice before he picked up.

"What?" His voice was muffled, probably by his pillow.

"It's me. I'm at your door."

It took him a few seconds to process what I had said.

"Wait, how did you find my house?"

"I'll explain, please just let me in, Zack."

The quiet desperation in my voice didn't go past him. He hung up, and not even a minute later, the door to his house open, and I flew in his arms. He hugged me back carefully. The darkness hid my bruises and the blood.

"What happened, princess?" He said, obviously worried.

"It's a long story."

Keeping his arms around me, he closed the door, and turned on the light. I didn't move my face from his chest. But I couldn't hide the blood on my hand. I heard him gasp. To his credit, he kept calm.

"We have all the time in the world, princess. I'm sure you can explain it to me."

"I'm sorry," I said, my voice quivering.

"For what?"

I couldn't keep my emotions repressed anymore, and I started sobbing. Zack rubbed my back, whispering something in my ear, but I didn't listen. Eventually, the tears stopped, and I quieted down. We hadn't moved from our spot.

"You okay now, princess?"

I shook my head.

"Yeah, stupid question. Come on, let's go get you some tissues before you ruin my shirt."

But I didn't want to show him my face, the bruises; I wanted to delay the questions as much as possible. Maybe coming here had been a bad idea.

"We can't stay in my hallway forever, Tifa."

Zack put some pressure on my shoulders, forcing me detach myself and take a couple of steps back. Even then, I directed my gaze to the floor, unable to meet his eyes, but he wouldn't have it, and he lifted my chin.

He didn't say anything as he took in the marks left by the slaps, the bleeding mouth and lip, the cut on my hand. After what seemed like an eternity, he sighed and gathered me in his arms again. We stayed silent even as he led me into the bathroom, cleaned my wounds, gave me some clothes to change into, and set up the guest bedroom for me.

Finally, I asked, "Where are your parents?"

Zack was taking out clean linen. "They still haven't moved from Gongaga. They sent me ahead of them. Work stuff."

I nodded, holding a bag of frozen peas wrapped in a towel to my cheek. "Lucky."

He shrugged. "I guess. We have a good relationship. I'm starting to miss then."

I couldn't imagine missing my father. I had never known my mother.

"Hmm."

The conversation died, and neither of us did anything to reanimate it.

He finished making the bed before walking towards me. He examined my cheek.

"You know I'm going to call the police, right?"

"Please don't."

"Why not? This can't be the first time."

I shook my head. "Just…don't."

"Princess, this is ridiculous, you can't keep on living there! Don't think I didn't notice that burn on your leg."

"I dropped a cigarette on myself the other day," I lied.

"Seriously?" The disbelief was clear on his face.

I didn't answer.

"That's what I thought. Don't expect me to stand still."

I grabbed the sleeve of his T-shirt. "Not yet, Zack, _please_."

"Why would you cover that fucker?"

"It's complicated."

His eyes narrowed. "Would you be sent into foster care?"

I nodded. "I just have to last one month, Zack. My birthday is in May."

He let out a whoosh of air. "I still don't think it's a good idea."

"Just…let it go, okay?"

Zack give me another quick hug.

"Damn it, princess, the things you ask of me."

"Can we watch a movie or do something?"

He hesitated. "Alright. Come on."

We watched an action movie, and I fell asleep halfway through it. I woke up, sprawled over Zack's chest, and tangled in the covers. He was snoring. He woke up an hour later, and we ate breakfast. The day went on normally, and both of us avoided talking about my delicate situation. Cloud called once. I didn't pick up.

"Who's that"? Zack asked.

I looked ahead, away from my homework. "Cloud."

He whistled. "I knew it. So what's the deal between you guys?"

"I'm not sure there's anything left anymore."

"Why?" Zack scooted closer to me. We were sitting on the floor of his living room, our backs to the couch.

"Because I screwed up."

He draped an arm over my shoulder. "How?"

I let my eyelids fall shut. "I told him I loved him."

"Woah. And?"

"And obviously he doesn't love me back." I lit a cigarette.

"But…why does that screw up things? Can't he grow to love you? I would." He flicked my nose. I opened my eyes.

"I doubt he could." Talking to someone about the truth felt so liberating. It was as if a weight had been taken of my shoulders. "He said I didn't love him."

"What?" Zack frowned.

"He's right, you know," I murmured, not sure whether I was talking to him or myself. "I've thought about it. I need what he gives me, and I need so much I don't feel whole without it."

Zack played with my hair. "You mean, like dependency?"

"Yeah. Now that I think about it, I was dependent on him and what he made me feel. It's like…I have this pit inside of me, you know? And when I was with Cloud, it would fill up temporarily. Like an addiction." I exhaled smoke through my mouth. "Like…I would feel like I _am _for a moment."

"What do you mean, feel like you are?"

"Like I'm someone."

He pulled away to look at me. "I'm not sure I get it."

I put out my cigarette and took out a new one. "I don't feel like I am a person, Zack. Most of the time I don't feel _anything_. Cloud made me feel. He gave me…an identity."

"That's sad."

I wrapped my arms around my knees, and hid my face. "It's pathetic. It's disgusting, even."

"Tifa…"

"Shit, Zack, I hate myself so fucking much."

He kept silent, alternating between rubbing my shoulder and studying. I was thankful for his little gestures.

Eventually, we had to move, but Zack never brought up the subject against until the next day. He refused to let me go home.

"You know," he said as we folded laundry, "I think it was a good thing that he told you that."

I snorted. "How's that?"

"Because it made you realize your true feelings."

My phone rang. I glanced at the caller ID. Predictably, it was Cloud.

Zack nodded encouragingly. "Talk of the devil, eh, princess?"

I went into the guest bedroom, closing the door behind me. "Hey."

"Jesus, Tifa, _finally_."

"Sorry."

"Shit, no, don't apologize, I just meant, I was—I mean, I was worried."

"I'm okay."

"Why aren't you home? Your dad—"

"_You went to my house?"_

He sounded taken aback. "I was worried."

I pinched my lips together, massaging my temple. "Alright. Anyway. What did he say?"

"Just that you had gone out on Friday night and hadn't come back yet."

Oh, great. That meant either Cloud thought I had been lying in a ditch somewhere, or that I hadn't headed back home after going with Zack. Awesome.

"Cloud, I'm okay." I took a deep breath. "I'm staying at Zack's."

"What?"

"I've been at Zack's since Friday. My dad lied, I did go back, but we fought, and I didn't want to stay."

There was a heavy silence. "Why didn't you come to my house?"

I had no answer for him because I had none for myself.

"Baby, I know I hurt you, but please, I want to talk—and not over the phone."

"I don't know, Cloud."

"What do you mean?"

"I think you should just forget about me."

"Tifa, I may not be in love with you, but—"

"I just don't think it's a good idea for us to—"

"Shit, Tifa, don't run away again."

"I'm not…" Was I? "I'm not, I'm doing what I think is the best."

He forced a laugh. "So what's best is you shipping me off to your best friend?"

I sighed.

"Why the fuck are you so opposed to someone liking you? I've been trying to figure it out, and it's driving me nuts, baby. Please don't run away."

"Cloud—"

"Next Saturday," he cut me off, "we're organizing this big bonfire in the woods. Come, and we can talk. Please."

"I don't know…"

"Zack and Aerith can come. You don't have to hitch a ride with me; come with Zack and you can leave whenever you want. Please, baby," he added gently.

"Alright."

I was so weak.

—

**A/N: **A note about dependency : "But in actuality [dependency] is not love; it is a form of antilove. It has its genesis in parental failure to love and it perpetuates the failure. (…) It works to trap and constrict rather than liberate. Ultimately it destroys rather than builds relationships, and it destroys rather than builds people." (The Road Less Travelled, 105, M. Scott Peck, M.D.)

Look at me and my incorrect way of citing. Anyway, finally we're moving into new territory! And for those wondering, this story won't be that long. I'm averaging 12 chapters.

_**Song: **Words You Shouldn't Believe _- Nell


	5. 505

**5. **505

—

**A/N: **In case it wasn't clear before, this story contains sexual content, starting in this chapter.

—

The weekend came by too quickly for my taste.

At 6PM on Saturday, Zack called me to let me know he was waiting in front of my apartment building. The bonfire wasn't until 8PM, but he wanted us to go eat before. I took ten minutes to finish up my makeup, ignoring Zack when he called again. As vain as it was—and if there one thing I had left, it was vanity—I wanted to make sure I looked nice tonight. It was a mixture of pettiness and insecurity that drove me to dress sort of sexy-but-not-too-much, and apply makeup in a way that only enhanced my natural features. Even if nothing happened with Cloud tonight, I didn't want to lose to Aerith. My jealousy made me sick.

Zack grumbled when I finally got into his car, and we grabbed something at the local fast-food joint, eating in his car. I was mostly silent, up until I noticed that Zack was getting fed up with my mood.

"What's got your panties in a twist, princess?"

I munched on my fries. "Cloud wants us to talk."

"Isn't that a good thing?"

"Yes and no, I think."

He rolled his eyes. "Haven't you heard of optimism?"

"I bet it's in the dictionary."

"Jesus Christ, I'll buy you one if it means you'll look it up."

"Fuck off, Zack."

"But seriously, princess, why is it such a bad thing?"

I wasn't sure myself. I knew Cloud didn't want us to stop seeing each other, so in theory, I should have been overjoyed that he wanted to meet me tonight. I was afraid of my own reaction. I could do my best to head into this situation with positive thoughts, but once confronted with the problem, said thoughts would inevitably turn negative. That's what always happened. It was as if my instincts took over, pushing away rationality.

"I guess it isn't…"

"That's better."

After we finished eating, we hung out in his car for nearly an hour. I caught him staring at my legs a couple of times, and I congratulated myself on my choice of shorts for tonight.

"Is it okay if I smoke?"

He grimaced, but rolled down the windows nonetheless.

"Thanks."

I propped my feet on the dashboard, head turned towards the open windows, blowing smoke into the air.

"Your bruises are all healed."

"Hmmm."

"How's the burn?"

I laughed. "You just want another excuse to look at my legs."

He simply grinned. "I didn't know you had a tattoo."

"Wow, you have no shame."

"Princess, have you seen the length of these shorts? Don't blame me. So," he went on, "_Alice in Wonderland_, eh?"

"Congratulations."

"You've read it?"

"Actually, no. I just liked the quote."

"_We're all mad here_," he said softly. "When did you get it?"

I waved my hand around, trying to dismiss the subject. "About a year ago?"

"How did you get it?"

"I knew a guy."

He choked on his soda. "Do I want to know?"

I paused.

"_A quote, Tifa? Why not something cute like a rose?"_

"_Shut up, Mark."_

"_It's a weird choice. Why?"_

"_Because it's the truth."_

Then, "Probably not."

"Alright."

I could Zack was burning to ask more questions, but he didn't. What a nosy guy.

I took out a new cigarette. "When is Aerith getting here?"

Zack checked his phone. "She's late."

"Yeah, I know, genius. Text her or something."

His face distorted into an ugly expression when he got her reply text. I frowned. "What did she say?"

"Uh," he cleared his throat, "she's riding with Cloud."

I blinked.

"Oh."

I hadn't even known she had his number.

"We should go," Zack said, avoiding my eyes.

"Yeah. We should."

After a few minutes of driving, I noted that Zack still looked unhappy, and it hit me suddenly.

"Oh, for fuck's sakes. You like Aerith."

He blushed.

"What is this, a fucking joke?"

"Shut up, Tifa."

"Shut up, Tifa," I imitated. "When were you going to tell me?"

"Preferably never."

"I told you about Cloud."

"Yeah, you told me about Cloud. Sorry I didn't reciprocate." His voice dripped with sarcasm.

I slid down in my seat, feeling oddly betrayed.

"Damn it, woman, fasten your seatbelt."

I did so, throwing my finished cigarette through the opened window.

"It's just a crush, princess. Obviously, it's not heading anywhere, so I spared you. That's all there is to it."

"Hmmm."

"What do you want me to say?"

"Nothing," I said, surprised that it was the truth. I wasn't mad, just irritated.

His features were drawn, and he kept his eyes straight on the road.

We reached the clearing were the bonfire was set up ten minutes of silence later. It was huge, with dozens of cars parked all over. We could hear people cheering and yelling and the general buzz of voices from inside the car. This was going to be a long night.

Zack opened my door for me, a gesture of peace that I gladly accepted. I had to preserve my one ally in all this. Feeling a little spiteful for some reason, I linked my arm through his as we made our way to the crowd. He didn't ask, just took it in stride.

I spotted Cloud immediately, and he jumped to his feet when he saw me, but I ignored him and took a seat on the side of the fire. He stared at me, scratching his jaw, until Aerith tugged on his sleeve, and he sat back down.

Zack was greeted by a couple of guys, all friends of Cloud's I noticed, but all I got were puzzled looks and some nods of greetings. Not that I was expecting much else, but the feeling was unpleasant, like I was invisible, not needed, unnecessary. What a great start to a great evening, I sulked.

After getting us some beer, Zack sat next to me on the ground, and I rested my head on his lap, catching Cloud's eyes again. We both stayed where we were.

At around 11PM, people took out the weed, and I contemplated joining them, if only to stop my anxiety. But Zack handed me another drink and began to speak, so I didn't. Instead, I smoked another cigarette. I aligned my empty bottles to my side, making sure they were in a straight line. Zack stopped talking.

Across from me, Aerith was smiling from ear to ear as Cloud described something to her; I could tell from the animated hand gestures he always made whenever he got passionate about a subject. My insides twisted, and I felt nauseous when he gave that little smirk he usually reserved for me. Maybe the heat from the bonfire was distorting my vision.

Silently, Zack handed me his beer, his gaze on the fire. I took a big gulp.

"You can finish it."

"Thanks."

Giggling, Aerith leaning into Cloud's shoulder. The beer bottle was empty, and I needed more. Or maybe I just needed to get the fuck away from the people around us; I couldn't stand the chatter, the yells, the chanting, the sound of the wood sizzling, cracking, the noise, the noise, goddamn it, it was too much, and I had to get away.

"I'll be back," I said as I got to my feet, trying to look nonchalant. Zack nodded once. Nobody else acknowledge me. I kept my head low as I walked towards the improvised parking lot. I walked to the edge of the clearing, zigzagging between each vehicle until I found Cloud's; I sat on the grass, facing the woods, my back leaning against the car; the bonfire lay behind me, and the noise was dimmed. I closed my eyes. The blackness was soothing, and I breathed in the air, exhaling loudly. Absentmindedly, I played with the strands of grass, intertwining my fingers with the blades, ripping them out of the earth.

Images of my best friend and Cloud swirled through my mind, so I reopened my eyes. The darkness of the woods made me uncomfortable, but I stayed where I was. I would probably stay here until Cloud left. I just prayed he didn't bring Aerith along with him.

I hid my face in my hands. Guilt made my breathing shorter, and try as I might, I couldn't regain control. My entire body shook. Why, _why_ couldn't I be happy for her? She had finally found someone she liked, and all I did was get jealous and hate her for it. _Because_, that little voice whispered in my ear, _you had him first_.

But that was the problem—had I ever "had" Cloud first? I had pushed him away so many times. The feeling of being wanted—as fleeting as it was—and the way his touches temporarily filled the gaping hole inside of me was my addiction, and one I couldn't do without. But that was all.

As if on cue, I heard a familiar voice softly call out my name. Breathe in, breathe out, Lockheart. You can do this. You don't want him to see what a mess you are.

"Here," I said weakly.

He sat down to my left. His features were drawn, tired, and I automatically reached out smooth the lines. I hesitated before touching him. He caught my hand in his and brought it to his mouth.

"I missed you."

"I saw you last week."

"Am I not allowed to miss you?" The amusement in his voice felt forced, false.

I shrugged, trying to play it cool.

His half-assed smile fell. He didn't say anything for a while, and neither did I.

Then, "Your friend is a tad clingy, you know."

"Her name's Aerith."

"My bad."

I withdraw my hand from his. "She's good for you."

"You mean she can offer me a stable relationship?"

I flinched. "Yes. She's a nice girl, she's kind, and she likes you a lot."

"Tifa."

"She wouldn't stop talking about you after you met, and sh—she's smart, and kind, and…"

"Tifa, stop."

"And she'll be perfect for you, she likes to read like you, and…" I faltered, feeling horribly pathetic as tears pooled in my eyes.

Cloud's hands came up to cup my face, forcing me to look in his direction. His forehead lay against mine.

"I don't give a fuck about your friend."

_Your friend_ again, not Aerith. For some reason, it made me feel better, but not for long.

"Obviously, you still haven't accepted the fact that I like you," he whispered.

A few tears streaked down my cheeks. "But—"

"But what, Tifa? You're unlikable? Not good enough?"

My eyes fluttered shut, my heart ripping apart. I couldn't deal with this.

"Because that's all bullshit."

I felt his lips move against mine, but I stayed frozen in place. He pulled away.

"Look at me."

I shook my head.

"Look at me," he said again. This time, I did. "I like you."

"Stop." It came out as a whimper. I had craved love for so long, but now that someone was offering me a chance, I couldn't take it. Or rather, I didn't know _how_. How did you love someone? Not the kind of destructive love I had for Cloud, but a genuine, butterfly-in-your-stomach, stupid-smile-on-your-face one. How did you act?

What if I disappointed him? Scratch the "what if"—what would happen _when_ I would disappoint him?

How did you let someone love you when you knew you couldn't meet their expectations?

"You can't like me."

He tucked a lock of hair behind my ear, his thumb caressing my skin. His lips brushed mine with every word.

"Why not?"

I placed my hands on his chest, not sure if I wanted to push him away or bring him closer. I clutched his shirt in my fists.

"You can't like me." My voice cracked. "You don't understand."

"Then explain it to me."

"It's not that simple."

"What if it is, Tifa?" My hands began to tremble. "Baby, I just want you to talk to me."

I let out a dry laugh. "What am I supposed to say?"

"Anything you want."

I racked my brain, doing my best to come up with something that wouldn't scare him off. Everything I could find seemed so terrible, I just couldn't bring myself to talk about it.

"I…"

"You…?"

"I don't know," I said lamely. One of his hands drifted down to my neck, the other to my waist.

"All in good time, then."

This time when he kissed me, I responded. His grip on my waist tightened when I opened my mouth under his, and he dragged me flush against his body. He took a hold of my legs, bringing them on his lap, his hand splayed wide against my bare thigh; I moaned. I tangled my fingers in his messy hair, feeling that high I got whenever we were together settle over me.

Someone cleared their throat. Twice. Loudly. Cloud pulled back, raising his head to look at whomever had found us.

"Fuck off, Fair," Cloud growled.

My body tensed, and I twisted my neck to take a peek at Zack. He was resting against the hood of the car, his back to us. He barely moved as his spoke.

"Just thought you might want to know Aerith's searching for you." For Cloud.

Shit. I made a move to scramble as far away from Cloud as possible, but his hold of me was unbreakable.

"Cloud," I hissed.

"Then deal with her."

"Roger that," Zack deadpanned. He left, dragging his feet along the ground.

"Cloud!"

"What?"

"That was mean. She's my friend." Despite my words, I couldn't stop the relief washing over me. He had chosen me over her.

His arm went around my waist, and he hauled me up to my feet, opening the backseat door to his car, and shoving us inside. I lay on my back, staring at him as he removed his shirt. No way I was doing it with him in a very public place.

As if reading my thoughts, he chuckled. "Relax."

"How can I relax when there's about fifty people out there?"

He leaned over me, head right next to mine, one hand on my thigh; his other hand had sneaked into my shorts, and I gasped. I clutched his hair.

"Relax," he repeated, right into my ear. "You're always so wound up."

I wanted to hit him. Instead, I whispered his name.

He bit my earlobe. "You need to stop thinking for a second, Tifa."

I moved my body to the rhythm he had set for me, throwing my head back, closing my eyes. His hand left my thigh, and tugged my shirt over my breasts. He pulled away to place open-mouthed kisses all over my belly; I threw my fists over my eyes, sensing I wouldn't last much longer. His fingers curled, and my hips buckled. I didn't even care about people seeing us anymore.

"Cloud," I breathed.

"Yes?" His voice was at my ear again, and his body covered mine entirely, and his hand had raised my knee, and my muscles were deliciously taut, and, "Oh, God—". The release came over me; my mouth opened in a wordless cry as I stiffened. "Cloud," I moaned, finding my voice; I bit my lower lip unable to open my eyes. His fingers slipped out of me, and he settled his both hands on my thighs, gripping the flesh possessively.

"Shit, baby," he murmured against my mouth. "I wanna make love to you."

We always fucked. We never made love.

Slowly, I let my eyes open, blinking a few times; he was so close. His chest fell and rose erratically; I could feel his hardness pressing against me, edging me on to unbutton his pants, but he suddenly raised his head, his attention caught by something. I lowered my shirt just in case.

"What is it?"

"People are coming this way. Come on."

Damn it. Now we screwed. I sat up so quickly blood rushed to my head, and I got dizzy. We both straightened our clothes.

"Fuck, it's Reno and the gang."

I heard whistling and catcalls in the distance; they had seen us. I had been wrong. _Now_ we were truly screwed. I scurried back to the far end of the car, doing my best to hide my face behind my hair.

"Tifa, it's okay."

"Let's say we're drunk," I blurted out.

He stilled in the process of putting his shirt back on. "What? No."

"What do you mean, no?"

Shaking his head, he said, "I want to say you're my girlfriend."

"_Excuse me?_"

"Yes or no?"

"I—"

"Who's the beauty with you, Strife?" Reno knocked on the car window, making me jump. His eyes widened. "Lockheart?" He roared with laughter, head thrown back, clutching his sides; the whole deal. I was glad his loud voice was muffled. Guess he knew my name after all.

I felt Cloud's stare on me. He was waiting for an answer.

And despite my doubts, I knew this was an opportunity I couldn't lose. Not again.

"Yes."

His smile was blinding, and I answered by giving him one of my rare ones.

"C'mon." He grabbed my hand, and together we got out of his car. I felt myself blush and my knees weaken when he wrapped an arm around my waist; I let myself fall against his body.

Reno's grin was mischievous as always, but there was a hint of confusion in his features, as if he couldn't understand what one of his best friends was doing snogging a social recluse like me. Guys like Cloud and his friends usually aimed higher.

"Hey," Cloud said.

"What the hell, man, you should have told me you were doing her!"

A muscle in Cloud's jaw tensed, and he spat out through grinded teeth, "She's my girlfriend."

There was a stunned silence. It was Reno who broke it, his ever-present grin faltering. "Still should have told me. Congrats."

"Thanks." His hand shifted to my hip. I couldn't bring myself to participate in the conversation.

"How long, man?"

"More than three months."

Reno whistled, slowly clapping. Embarrassment took possession of me, and I had to force myself not to bolt away.

"Stop it, you fuckhead."

"What, am I not allowed to celebrate you finally getting a girlfriend?"

For some reason, I suddenly remembered that time in detention where Cloud had told me he had spoken of our relationship to some of his friends, the ones he trusted. Seemed like Reno wasn't one of them. The way this was headed, the whole school would know by tomorrow morning. Scratch that, the whole town.

"Fuck that, we're leaving. Let's go, Tifa."

I didn't protest as we got back into the car, ignoring Reno's crude loud whispers to his friends. Cloud's friends. Some of them laughed, others stayed silent.

"This was a bad idea," I said, glancing out of the window.

"He's just a dick." He maneuvered the car out of the makeshift parking lot, taking his time so as not to hit other cars.

I texted Zack, telling him I had gone home. He replied saying he was going to cover for me in case Aerith asked questions, and though I was happy to hear about his devotion, I knew Aerith would most likely learn about my relationship with Cloud from Reno later tonight, as would everyone at the bonfire. This had turned out to be a disaster.

"I should have said no."

Cloud slammed on the brakes. "What?"

I blinked. Had I spoken aloud? From what Cloud's expression told me, I had. Shit.

"Sorry," I mumbled.

He snorted, clearly unhappy. "Fine. We can go back to being _fuckfriends_ if that's what you want."

"Not, that's not it. It's just…" Being his girlfriend implied a closeness I wasn't sure I could handle. "It's just Reno made me uncomfortable."

He didn't shift his eyes from the road ahead, but he did scratch his jaw. "And that's all?"

No. "Yes."

He sighed, "I hate it when you lie."

I frowned. "How can you tell?"

"This is obviously about your trust issues, not Reno. I'm not dumb, Tifa."

I had to give the guy credit; he had gotten to know me in these last months. Lying to him was still feasible, though maybe not as easy as it had once been. Not since I had confessed my feelings—he could see through me now.

"Can we talk about that another time?" More like never.

"Fine," he snapped.

What a magnificent evening. The ride to his house was silent, and once inside, we both went to sleep without talking.

Long after Cloud's breathing had deepened, I lay awake, my brain on full-throttle. Had I made a mistake? It seemed I was at last getting what I wanted: an actual relationship with a boy who liked me, with Cloud. But the underlying guilt nibbled at me, tearing the fleeting joy apart. What would Aerith think? It was bad enough that I was officially dating the guy she was crushing on—when she would learn we had been seeing each other for months, she would snap. For all I knew, our friendship was on the line; wasn't that what always happened in movies? I didn't have enough experience with friendship to tell if it really was the case.

And Cloud. How long could I hold on to him? Our previous arrangement didn't call for emotions, though I guessed it was too late now. Apparently he liked me, which meant he probably wanted to get more invested in my life, which meant….I would have to deal with my father. Would I have to tell him the truth?

No. No way. I couldn't do that.

And it wasn't only that. What would happen when he learned about the incident at Nibelheim High? Would he be disgusted, indifferent, or something I couldn't expect? Any of these options hurt, and I couldn't see him reacting positively.

Flares of memories burst through my mind, and I did my best to repress them. _It's not my fault, you're the one who asked for it. _I inhaled deeply in order to calm my nerves. No, Cloud couldn't know. Ever.

I woke up cold. Which, considering how I had gone to bed only wearing my panties and one of Cloud's shirt, was comprehensible, but still annoying. It was meant that he had hogged all the covers.

I turned by head slightly to the side, only to find Cloud staring at me. The comforter had been pushed off us.

"Hi."

"Hey."

"Sorry about yesterday."

"It's alright."

"I shouldn't have pushed you."

"It's okay," I whispered.

He kissed my hand before jumping out of bed. I admired the view as he stretched.

"Damn, I gotta study today."

Uneasiness settled over me as I sat up and searched my bag for a cigarette. I was supposed to be his girlfriend now. It meant we were supposed to spend a lot more time together. In public places. Introducing ourselves as a couple. Christ, his mom was either going to freak out or jump in happiness. It meant giving more of myself, my past, my present, and my future.

"Morning smoke?" He raised an eyebrow when I took out a cigarette.

I shrugged, still somewhat lost in thought. I was turning into a commitmentphobe.

That day, we studied, ordered pizza, and just generally lazed around. His mom left the house at around 4PM to have dinner with friends; Cloud hadn't told her about our change in relationship, but I had a feeling she had done some speculating of her own. It was the first time I stayed the whole day.

Not too long after we ate the remaining pizza for dinner, I lay on my stomach, flipping through a sports magazine that had been lying around, while Cloud sat at his desk, trying to study Biology. I could feel the weight of his stare on me, or more precisely, on my ass. I was only wearing one of his shirt and my panties; said shirt had ridden up to expose enough of my backside to divert his attention.

"Did you need something?" I said lightly.

"That's a dangerous question."

"Is it?" I bit back a smirk.

I heard his let his books fall on the table. Turning around on my back, I scooted back on my hands, letting my legs fall open a little—just enough to make his breathing hitch and his muscles tense.

"Come here," he said, voice husky.

"Should I?" I replied as innocently as possible.

He leaned forward, grabbing me by the ankle and dragging my body to the edge of the bed. My panties were on the floor before I could register what was going to happen. Cloud trailed wet kisses from my knee to my inner thigh before lifting my legs over his shoulders, and I let myself sink back on his bed.

My hips buckled harshly as he flattened and dragged his tongue all along the length of me. His right arm came over my hips, holding me in place, and I could faintly hear him chuckle before he dived in again. His mouth found my clit, and he alternated between sucking and flicking his tongue, driving me mad. It took me a while to register that the sounds that echoed in his room came from me.

"_Fuck_, Cloud," I panted, blindly grasping for his hair. Instead, his hand found mine and he intertwined our fingers together. I let out a gasp when his other hand left my hips and wandered down, his fingers finding their way inside of me. My knees were shaking, but Cloud didn't slow down, and I didn't want him to. I squeezed his hand, desperate for something to hold on, and he returned the gesture.

He lifted his head, although his fingers kept their rhythm, occasionally curling and hitting that spot that always sent me spiralling over the edge, that spot only he knew about. His face was intense, serious, but also full of something that looked strangely like adoration as he watched me. I let out such a loud moan that it almost embarrassed me. Almost.

"Damn, baby, it's lucky Mom left, isn't it?"

"Sh—shut…up…" My head hit the mattress, and I cried out as his teeth grazed my clit.

It didn't take long for orgasm to crash over me after that. Cloud didn't let go until my body stilled and my legs went slack around him. Only then did he come up to kiss me, both hands gently caressing my thighs. His words from yesterday flashed into my hazy mind. Before I could myself, I swept his hair back and cupped his face.

"Make love to me," I breathed out.

He blinked, probably taken aback, but it didn't last long. The smile that took over his features was soft and full of hope. It tore at my heart, but I ignored the pain.

Cloud didn't waste time. He got off the bed, undressing in record time, that silly smile still carved on his face. For some reason, it made me sad, but I buried the feeling as deep as I could. I didn't want none of those thoughts rising to the surface and ruining the moment.

I threw my shirt over my head, reclining back into his pillows. We were both breathing hard, watching each other, and this time, I could clearly discern the adoration in his eyes. Something caught in my throat at the realization. Damn it.

"You gonna stare at me all night?" I willed my tone to remain even.

"With a view like that…"

We were back to playing games, but this time, it felt different. More intimate, more precious, more serious. I could do this. It was familiar territory. So I ran my hands along my body, stopping to play with my breasts.

"What about this view?" I spread my legs wide, cupping myself. I circled my clit, making a show to whimper loudly. I never took my eyes away from his face. His chest rose and fell, his fists were clenched at his sides; I knew he was restraining himself from pouncing on me.

"Tifa…"

I let out a moan that would make a porn star proud.

He was on the bed in the blink of an eye, kneeling between my legs. He sucked a nipple into his mouth, toying with it with his tongue. As good as it felt, I flipped us over so I was straddling him. His hands found my backside. I supported myself on his chest. He grabbed me around the back of my neck, kissing me harshly. I returned the favour, losing myself in the whirlwind of sensations. I sat back up, keeping a slow pace with my hips; his breathing grew more laboured as I slid up and down the length of his dick. He stroked my cheek, bringing his fingers to my mouth; I took two of them in my mouth, sucking and twirling my tongue around them. He groaned so loudly I thought for a moment he had come.

"Baby, I _need_ to be inside y-you."

I found myself on my back again, and not a second later, Cloud slammed his hips into mine, and his name tore itself from my lips. To my surprise, the rhythm he set was slow, agonizingly _slow_, and he kept his mouth on mine in a kiss that made my head spin and my heart soar. It was sweet, gentle, passionate, deep, and I never wanted it to end. We did have to come for air eventually, but then his lips found mine again, and I was lost. I ran my fingers through his hair, tugging at it as my body exploded into a million pieces, and I moaned in his mouth. He stiffened as I pulsed around him, and he buried his face in my neck, clutching me to him; his embrace was so tight it was almost suffocating, but I never wanted him to let go.

Cloud released a long sigh of contentment, and he rolled on his back, pulling me with so I rested against his chest.

"That was fucking amazing," he mumbled into my hair.

I hummed in agreement, closing my eyes. He brought a blanket over us.

"Go to sleep, baby."

"I don't want to," I murmured.

"Why not?" He asked, stroking my arm.

Because then the night will end. "Because I don't want to go to school tomorrow."

"We can skip."

I had never skipped in my whole life, except for that one time last week where we had had our fight. I was too afraid my father would hear about it.

"Nah, it's alright." I snuggled deeper into his chest. He dropped a kiss on the top of my head.

"If you say so."

He gave me a lazy smile, and I felt myself return it.

Maybe I should give this relationship a try.

—

**A/N: **A quick update, hohoho.

thank you lovelies:  
**JukedSolid, Juleezy, Nuingarien, Angelus, ReNeVIerE07, hapiflower, Taquiner, Guest, UglyTruth, beaucoup riant, demonegg, Teici, just somebody, Guest, FinalxFenrir7, & seductive insanity!**

**Q: I'm interested in Cloud's tattoo: **_delete the adjectives._

**A: **It's from a quote from Harper Lee's To Kill A Mockingbird: "Atticus told me to delete the adjectives and I'd have the facts." As for what it means, I'll leave it to your interpretation.

**Q: Did you change the reason Cloud first noticed her in his Biology class?**

**A: **Yes! Tifa was originally always late, but I've changed it to her always being on time or in advance. I felt it fit better with her character.

**Song: **_505 _– Arctic Monkeys


	6. Lover to Lover

**6. **Lover to Lover

—

On Monday, Cloud came to sit with us again for lunch. This time, he sat next to me. Aerith didn't seem to care too much, smiling as much as usual. I pretended to be annoyed by his presence, but in reality, I was anxious as hell. I didn't know how to act. We hadn't talked about this. Would he suddenly say I was his girlfriend?

But Cloud barely touched me or glanced at me, and in a way, I was glad for it, though as the same time, I was a little disappointed. I couldn't help the little flutter of joy when he brushed my hand under the table.

"You guys should come to Reno's party in two weeks. It'll be his birthday."

Translation: You should come with me, Tifa.

"Oh, why not! I'd be glad to go. Wouldn't you guys?" Aerith beamed.

Translation: Take me as your date.

"Sure." Zack stabbed his fried chicken.

Translation: Fuck my life.

"I guess it'd be fun." I took a bit of my apple.

Translation: I'll go with you.

Weren't we a joyous bunch. I almost jumped out of my seat when the bell rang. To my surprise, Cloud grabbed my bag in one hand, his textbooks in the other, and said, "You ready?" He handed me my bag.

I blinked three times, a little taken aback. But it was just enough affection to have me crack a little smile, one that only Cloud noticed. Aerith and Zack went one way, Cloud and I the other. His fingers brushed mine as we walked.

"I asked Reno not to tell anything."

I glanced up at him. "Thanks."

"I know you're uneasy about, you know, public relationships, but I don't want to hide forever."

I swept a lock of hair behind my ear. "It's alright. I'll work on it. Just…give me a week or two, okay?"

He nodded, actually looking pleased. He had probably expected me to protest and ask for a longer delay.

We entered the Biology classroom, taking our respective seats. Hojo waited until everyone was there before getting up and writing in huge block letters on the blackboard: GROUP PROJECT 15% OF FINAL GRADE. There was a chorus of groans, and I was amongst them. The guy in front of me let his head fall against the desk. I recognized him as a really popular soccer player who was notorious more failing anything Science-related.

"Silence," Hojo barked, hitting his notebook against his desk. "Your partners are randomly assigned. If you want to switch"—there were excited whispers—"you can, but I won't be responsible for your failure because you wanted to be with your friends and talk instead of study." He adjusted his glasses. "I'll be handing this sheet that will have to be filled up and turned in by the end of class. You'll choose a subject from a pool of chosen ones—first come, first served. I'll be calling your names now, and _please_ stay seated until I'm done." He began to list of names. Mine was fourth. I was paired with the guy who sat in front of me. Hurray. Cloud's partner was Scarlet, and I shuddered at the mention of her name. She had been at Nibelheim High with me, entering the private academy at the same time. She knew too much about me.

To indicate he had finished, Hojo simply started distributing the project outlines. Seeing as my partner wasn't making a move to grab one, I did, maybe a little too briskly. Hojo glared at me. I tapped the guy's shoulder—Anderson—but he didn't turn around. Great. I was about to whack him, when someone tugged on my hair. There was only one person in this room familiar enough with me to do that. I looked up at Cloud.

"Let's pair up."

I glanced back at my partner whose head was still on his desk, then back at Cloud. "Why not." Then I remembered Scarlet. "Uh, what about, you know, your partner?"

He shrugged. "I asked nicely."

I craned my neck to get a glimpse of Scarlet. She was staring at me, a smirk that made me increasingly uncomfortable on her lips. It twisted her otherwise pretty face.

"Come on," Cloud said, pulling me out of my seat, grabbing my stuff, and leading me towards the back of the classroom where two empty desks were. He pushed them together.

"Let's start." He grinned.

Curiously, we did work throughout most of the hour, choosing our subject, brainstorming ideas, and keeping talk to school-related matters only. To anyone listening, it would seem like we were simple partners.

Until, of course, Cloud had to slip his hand on my thigh and under my skirt.

"Cloud!" I hissed, crossing my legs and turning slightly sideways in hope it would hide his hand from prying hands.

The bastard chuckled, keeping on with the Biology talk.

His hand was warm, calloused, and sent tingles throughout my body. At some point, he drew little circles on my skin, making it hard for me to think. When he began to massage my thigh, I made a move to stop him, but he grabbed my hand and intertwined our fingers. I checked to see if anybody was looking at us, but everyone seemed to be focused on their own conversation.

"Relax," he whispered in my ear.

I flushed, remembering the last time he had told me to relax. He caressed the back of my hand with his thumb. The remaining minutes passed by quickly as I tried to concentrate on brainstorming, torn between kissing Cloud or running away. In the end, all I did was let go of his hand as soon as the bell rang. Cloud made a show of giving me his cellphone number for the sake of the project. I almost threw the slip of paper away without looking at it, but Cloud shook his head and winked at me.

Once I was in the hallway, I read it.

_Friday at 9PM, my house, it's a date. _

My eyes widened. Fuck, I had forgotten about _dates_. I quickly disposed of the paper, a mixture of dread and excitement taking over me. Our first date.

Friday came by too quickly for me, and an hour before I was supposed to head there, I stood in front of my closet, panicking over what to wear. It was stupid, really, they would end on the floor quickly enough, but I wanted to look good on principle. It was a date. Not just me heading to his house to screw. I settled on the same shorts I had worn at the bonfire, along with a loose tank top, bringing my lightweight leather jacket in case it was chilly. He had said to meet him at his house, but for all I knew, we would be heading out. I even did my hair; I usually let it down.

My father was watching TV when I came out of my room. We ignored each other. We were both highly aware that there were only two weeks left until my birthday.

To my relief, it was Cloud who answered the door when I rang the doorbell. I wasn't ready to talk to his mother yet. She could be rather scary when she wanted to.

"About time."

"Sorry," I deadpanned.

"What sincerity."

"I know, right."

He shook his head, pulled me inside and kissing me. It didn't last long.

"Cloud Strife!"

He winced at his mom's voice. "Sorry mom."

She smiled at his apology. "Hello, Tifa."

"Hi, Camilla."

"You've been around a lot lately."

I looked away from her inquisitive eyes. "Yeah, I suppose."

"It's okay, sweetie, you're good company." With these last words, she went into the living room, where other people greeted her.

"She's with friends from another town," Cloud explained as he dragged me downstairs. "They went to the same high school."

"I didn't know she had company. I didn't see the cars outside."

"That's because they don't drive. Mom has to bring them back. Anyway, I thought we could watch a movie. That okay?"

I jumped on the bed. He stared at me for a moment. Then, "You look hot as hell tonight."

I glanced down at my outfit. "It's warm outside."

He smirked, focusing his attention on the TV. He tuned in to some channel that was playing a movie. I knew why he wasn't paying much attention to which one he was picking; it was only to pass time until his mom left.

"I hope it's not boring," I said as he came to sit behind me. He wrapped his arms around my waist, giving me a squeeze.

The movie was definitely more than boring; it was ridiculous. We had lowered the volume after thirty minutes in, and were only watching to avoid going upstairs and have to talk with his mom and her friends.

"Your room is too cold," I grunted, fed up with the near silence.

"That's because you're barely wearing anything."

I didn't bother answering, knowing arguing was futile. I twisted around. He had that mischievous glint in his eyes that typically announced trouble for me. Awesome trouble I didn't mind getting into. I pecked him on the cheek.

"Your mom is upstairs."

"Yeah, I know." He lightened up when we head footsteps come down the stairs. "Maybe they're leaving," he whispered with the excitement of a child. I rolled my eyes.

His mom knocked twice before peeking in. Finding us safely clothed, she opened the door wider.

"I'm going to drive Matilda and Joan home."

"Sure thing, Mom. Drive safely."

She grinned. "I always do. I'll be back around midnight. Good night, Tifa."

I waved. "Night, Camilla."

Once she was gone and the door to the house slammed shut, Cloud turned the TV off. He began to suck on my pulse point. My heartbeat quickened, and I leaned into him.

"Aren't you glad your mom's friend live one hour away and don't drive?"

"Hell yeah."

He played with the end of my fishtail braid, mouth now behind my earlobe. He playfully bit it, sending waves of desire throughout my body. Shockingly, he stopped, simply reclining against the pillows, bringing me with him. He hummed, drumming his fingers against my belly. I leaned my head back to look at him.

"What are you doing?" What I truly wanted to ask him was why he had stopped.

"Enjoying my evening," he replied, eyes closed.

"Aren't we on a date?"

"We are."

"But…we're not doing anything."

He snickered. "You haven't been on many dates, have you?"

"Not many." Not many really meaning absolutely none.

"A date is a way for two people to enjoy each other's company."

"But—" The plainness of what he meant suddenly hit me. He enjoyed being with me. Not doing anything special, just holding me and relaxing—and I could tell he was relaxing from the way his muscles were slack—and talking. It was a new concept for me. I always felt like I needed to do something to please others so they would appreciate my presence.

"But what?"

I let myself fall against his chest. "Nothing. I was just thinking."

"Stop thinking," he murmured.

Try as I might, I couldn't follow his advice. My brain was wired and on overdrive. Despite everything, I felt…happy, or content at least. The rush I had when having sex was a big wave crashing over me, hard-hitting but over quickly; I would be washed away by the current, floating, unmoving, until another wave hit. A swift, but intense satisfaction that temporarily filled the hole inside me. This…this was different. Almost like being smashed into by baby waves at a constant rhythm. It provided a more filling sensation, as if the hole was being slowly sewn back together.

And it was scary.

Scary, because I had always lived with that darkness, and I didn't know how to live differently.

Scary, because there was the certainty that something would eventually happen, and though there was a small chance of this relationship overcoming the odds, I couldn't see it.

Scary, because I didn't want it to end. What I wanted was for the hole to be stitched back.

Scary, because I was putting myself on the line. And I wasn't sure if I could ever recover if the pit opened wide and swallowed me again.

It was terrifying. But it was worth it.

"You're thinking again."

"I can't help it."

"What were you thinking about?"

I decided to be honest. "You. And me. Us, I guess."

He tensed.

"I was thinking that I like this dating this," I said lightly.

Cloud's arms tightened around me. He buried his face in my neck.

"Good."

It was.

—

"Come on."

I winced. "I don't know, Cloud."

"We talked about this, baby, we can't hide forever."

I inhaled deeply, as if preparing for combat. In a way, that's what it was for me.

"Can we…not hold hands, though?"

He threw his arms in the air, exasperated. We were in the same bathroom where we had had our fight. It had become our spot for when we wanted to have very private conversations. Like whether or not we should go to lunch together and eat with his friends.

"Tifa, I want them to _know_ you're my girlfriend. Holding hands is part of it."

"But they already know, anyway," I mumbled.

"I meant the school, baby."

I sighed. "What about…you can pull out your PDA moves once we're seated?" Walking throughout the entire school and the cafeteria would make me feel way too exposed. Less people would notice once we were at his table.

Except Aerith, of course. She would notice.

Cloud's only answer was to guide me out of the bathroom and down the stairs into the school's main hallway, which was mostly empty. Scarlet and some of her friends were there, standing across the doors to the cafeteria.

I knew something was wrong the moment she looked our way, that smirk still distorting her features.

Cloud was walking their way, unaware of my uneasiness. I grabbed his arm. He smiled, evidently pleased, and most likely thinking I had changed my mind. A few feet away, Scarlet laughed.

"Cloud!" She beckoned him with her hand. "Come here a second."

Her friends giggled.

Nor looking too happy, Cloud dragged us over to her. I tugged on his arm, and he sighed. He must have been assuming I didn't want us to talk to other people.

"What is it, Scarlet?"

And then she opened her mouth and my world crumbled.

"Did you get tested at least?" She mock-gasped behind her hand. More giggles echoed around us.

Obviously puzzled, Cloud frowned. "I don't get it."

"Cloud—" I pulled on his arm again.

Scarlet rolled her eyes. "I meant, I hope you got tested. You know, for STDs? Before fucking her? God knows what's been in there."

I flinched. This was wrong, oh God, this was so wrong, why did it have to happen now.

"Look, Tifa's my girlfriend so—"

"Your girlfriend!" Scarlet and her friends began to laugh so loudly, it hurt my ears. She wiped a false tear from her cheek. "That's a new one! Please, Tifa, tell me he's lying. He's just another one of your fuckfriends, isn't it?"

Cloud stiffened. I could see his hands ball into fists in his pockets.

I was unable to say anything. Words wouldn't come. I just wanted to run away and cry. Maybe punch her on the way.

"You must be, what, number 8 on the list?" Scarlet made a move to pat Cloud's shoulder, but he dodged her. It didn't faze her. "Oops, my mistake, you're number 9. Her Physics teacher was number 8."

My head was spinning. My legs couldn't support me anymore, and I sagged against Cloud. He caught me before I hit the ground. My breathing was coming out in short puffs, and then I just couldn't breath anymore; there was a pain in my chest that prevented me; it stabbed at me, making me dizzy, and I heard gasping noises, not realizing immediately they were mine.

"—Tifa! Tifa!"

I grabbed at my chest, feeling the panic settle in. There was wetness on my face—my tears. Oh, God, oh God, oh God.

"Stay with her!"

Cloud's voice was abruptly loud and distant and the same time. "Does anyone have inhaler! Get me an inhaler, someone's having an attack!" Then, he was back at my side.

My vision darkened, and for a moment I thought I had lost consciousness, but I had only closed my eyes.

"Come on, baby, breathe in."

He pushed the inhaler in between my lips. There was a whoosh of air, and then a bitter taste on my tongue. But I managed to breathe in.

"Come on, Tifa."

Another short breath. It was painful, but the oxygen filled my lungs, gradually clearing the spots from my vision. Cloud was besides me, rubbing circles on my back, the inhaler in hand Scarlet was standing above us, looking shocked. There was a large crowd surrounding me, closing in, suffocating me—

I vomited.

"Gross!"

"What happened?"

"Who's that?"

"Tifa?"

A quiet, worried voice cut through all the other ones. Aerith.

"Baby, you gotta hold on." It was Cloud speaking. I wanted to chastise him for calling me that in front of everyone. I didn't understand why he was telling me to hold on. "Tifa, stay awake."

Why stay awake? I was being humiliated, torn to shreds, my past and mistakes exposed raw, people were staring and gossiping and pointing.

"_She slept with her teacher!"_

"_Oh my God, could she reach a new low?"_

"_Fucking slut."_

"_Mark from the tattoo parlour said she'll blow any guy on the first date."_

"_She tried to put the blame on the teacher, said it wasn't her fault, he jumped her."_

"_Like hell! We'll all know it was her. She'll open her legs to anyone."_

"It wasn't my fault," I mumbled.

"What? Tifa!"

But I was gone.

—

**A/N: **bring on the pitchforks and the torches. I'm ready. Next chapter has a trigger warning (TW), just a warning…

Thank you:  
**seductive insanity, Juleezy, JukedSolid, Nuingarien, FinalxFenrir7, ReNeVIerE07, Mischka, Hana Hannah, Guest, beaucoup riant, & demonegg!**

**Juleezy: **haha, no, it's okay, it doesn't bother me! Yeah, I'm not big on writing smut, and I think it showed, but that's alright. Glad you liked the chapter.

**Song: **_Lover to Lover _ - Florence and the Machine


	7. Bones

**7. **Bones

—  
**WARNING! TW:** sexual assault and rape.  
—

_The teacher was silent. _

_Which, really, bugged me more than it should have. Wasn't this supposed to be a tutoring session? Not a I'll-stare-at-my-Physics-book-for-the-whole-hour session. I bit the end of my pen, looking up at him. He caught my glance. _

_I fidgeted in my seat, crossing my legs, uncrossing them, tugging down my dress. Man, this classroom was way too warm. _

"_Can I open a window?"_

_He grunted. I took that as a yes. I opened the window, careful not to have it fall on my fingers. It happened once. The girl had lost her hand. _

_The wind felt good on my face, and I leaned forward on my tiptoes. We were on the second floor; the parking lot was almost empty. Humming, I turned around to return to my seat. The teacher was staring at me. He probably thought I was weird. They all did. _

_He cleared his throat. I didn't have the time to seat back down before he called for me._

"_Bring your assignment with you. We'll go over it."_

_I walked over to his desk, standing to his left, not really paying attention as he went on about my mistakes. I hated Physics. So boring. Not useless, but definitely boring. It didn't help that the teacher had a monotonous voice and never seemed to stop to breathe. _

_He shifted closer to me, snapping me back to attention. Woah, dude. Keep your distance. Personal space. But I only nodded, pretending to follow. I thrust one hip out, resting a hand on it, the other on the desk. I stared at the stupid assignment he had made me do for the last 45 minutes. _

_I saw his hand slip towards me, and for a moment, I thought he was reaching out for something on the cabinet behind me. But then I felt his hand on my ass, and I blanched, jumping back. _

"_What the fuck?"_

_He blinked behind his glasses, readjusting them. And he gave me an horrible smirk that twisted his lips, making them look like worms. _

"_Don't be surprised," he said, in that same fucking mechanical way he always talked, "dressed like that. It's not my fault, you're just asking for it." _

_I gathered my books in my arms, fumbling with them, trying to make sure they wouldn't drop on the ground, because if they did I wasn't staying to pick them up._

"_You're fucking disgusting."_

_I slammed the door behind me. I swear I heard him laugh. _

—

_Going to Physics class for the remaining of the week was a pain. Luckily, the teacher didn't call on me, and I asked a girl to bring my homework to his desk, blaming a twisted ankle for my lack of mobility. It didn't matter that she saw me walk in without a limp. _

_The next tutoring session rolled by, and I waited in front of the classroom door, unsure of what to do. Should I stop attending without any warning, or should I at least go in for one last time? Before I could make my decision, the teacher opened the door. We stood facing each other until he stepped aside, giving me very little space to walk in, but I did so, anyway. I took my usual seat._

_For the first half an hour or so, everything went on as normal, and for a moment, I thought I had imagined the whole thing from last week. _

"_How are you doing, Tifa?"_

_I refused to look up as I heard him make his way to my desk. He was standing behind me, and all of my muscles tensed when he leaned forward, moving my hair over one shoulder to speak in my ear. _

"_That's not good, Tifa. You'll have to redo it." His hand slid up and down my arm. I dropped my pen. His nose brushed my neck. I jumped out of my chair, knocking the desk over, pushing him back. This time, he didn't look indifferent. There was something in his eyes, something that made me want to run as far as humanly possible. _

"_I—I have to g—go," I almost yelled, snatching up my back and leaving everything else where it was. _

_I had to slow down once I realized I was running in the hallways. The principal's office loomed in front of me. I hoped he was still there. The secretary was, though, so that was probably a good sign. There was one student in the waiting area._

"_I need to see the principal," I said, a little too loudly, probably still flushed. _

_The secretary kept on typing on her keyboard. "What's your name?"_

"_Tifa Lockheart."_

_And I could see her eyebrows rise to nearly touch her hairline; the way the corners of her mouth went down a tad; the muscle twitch above her lips. She knew me. Or rather, she knew what people were saying about me. _

"_The principal is busy right now."_

"_I can wait."_

"_He has another appointment afterwards."_

"_I can wait. I'll wait all night."_

_She sighed. "Why don't you tell me what's going on so I can leave him a message to see you tomorrow?"_

_I wouldn't see him today. The message was clear. My fists were clenched at my side. _

"_A teacher sexually harassed me."_

_I was expecting anything but her reaction. In my head, her eyes would widen, her mouth drop, and she'd say something along the lines of, "Oh, you poor thing". But what I got was a shake of the head and a, "Tsk". My nails dug in my palms. _

"_Which teacher?"_

_I told her his name._

_And I knew that she didn't believe me as soon as the words left my mouth. He was the most respected teacher in school. My word and my reputation were worth nothing about him. _

"_Listen, _sweetheart_, I recommend you stop making up stories."_

"_But—"_

"_I know you have a tough home situation, but that kind of stunt won't get you the kind of attention you want."_

"_No, listen, I'm serious!"_

_She went back to typing. "The principal can't see you."_

_Biting back angry words, I whirled around, leaving the office. _

_Fuck this school._

—

_Giggles and whispers followed me everywhere the next day. _

_That kid in the office had spread the rumour that I had tried to sleep with my teacher, only to have him refuse, and so, I had tried to have him expelled for sexual harassment. _

_It took a lot of self-control to keep on seeming unaffected. Inside, I wanted to cry. _

_It was the end of the day, and I had told the teacher right after Chemistry that I would come to his office to discuss our tutoring lessons. Someone had snickered, but I had ignored them. _

_I was placing books into my locker when Tyler Kent suddenly appeared to my left. I didn't bother looking at him. We had stopped seeing each other three months ago. He was only here to torment me. _

"_A teacher, Tifa?"_

"_You shouldn't listen to rumours."_

_He ignored me. "Did you blow him?"_

"_I didn't blow anyone."_

"_You'd never go down on me, but would that old man do the trick?"_

"_Fuck off, Ty." I glared at him. _

_He shrugged. "It's just that Mark said—"_

"_I fucking know what Mark said. The whole school does."_

_He had the nerve to look disappointed. "So it's not true."_

_I reined in the urge to punch him. "Good bye, Tyler."_

_He laughed as I walked away, probably off to high-five some of his buddies for having annoyed me. I wandered around the school, spending close to two hours at the library, doing homework, and just generally losing time. At 6PM, the librarian threw me out. The school was just about empty. Good. I didn't want anyone witnessing me going to the teacher's office. _

_His office was the only with the lights still on. I knocked. He opened the door, indicating the seat across the desk. I sat. He closed the door_

"_What did you want to talk about, Tifa?" He said casually. _

_The nerve of this man. _

"_I want to end our tutoring sessions."_

_He let out a long sigh, getting up to his feet, his back to me. _

"_Do you want something to drink? I have water, coffee and tea, though I'm not a big fan of the later one. Too bland for my taste."_

_This meant he wanted to negotiate for whatever reasons. "I'll have whatever you'll have."_

"_Coffee, then, if you don't mind."_

_Silence settled as he prepared our beverages. A couple of minutes later, he set a steaming hot cup in front of me. He sipped his even though it must have been burning. I tried mine. It wasn't as hot as I had expected. I took a big gulp._

"_So, you want to end those sessions?"_

"_Hmm."_

"_I'm afraid that, considering your failing the subject, I can't really let you do that."_

_I clenched my jaw. _

"_Unless, of course, we find you a new tutor. Then, that's alright with me."_

_I sagged in my chair from relief. _

"_Thank you, sir."_

_He nodded. He seemed a little too enthusiastic, but I didn't stop to think about it much. "I'll find someone for you and tell you sometime this week."_

_I got to my feet, leaving his office with a polite goodbye. I wanted to shove his face in the wall, but he had offered me a way out without too much hassle, and I would be damned if I didn't take it. _

_I was close to the school's entrance when I started to feel dizzy and drowsy. I hadn't eaten lunch so maybe—_

_The drink. _

_Jesus Christ, _that fucking coffee.

_I stumbled, crashing into the lockers. The sound echoed, but no one came to look. Of course. The school was empty. _

_A hand came out of nowhere, grabbing me and dragging me towards the exit. It was my Chemistry teacher. _

"_Y-you bastard," I tried to say, but I found that my muscles wouldn't work properly. _

_His car was parked not even 10 meters away. He shoved me into the backseat. I lay sprawled there, fighting the need to puke my guts out as he started the car and took off at full speed. I closed my eyes. _

_I reopened them only when the car came to a halt, probably twenty minutes or so later. I couldn't really tell. I wanted to sit up to see where we were, to signal to anyone passing through that I was in need of help, but I could barely move. The door opened, and he climbed in, gruffly pushing my legs out of the way. I managed to raise myself up a little, enough to scoot as far away as I could from him. _

_But as I stared at him through my blurred vision, I wondered, why did I want to get as far away as I could again? I couldn't remember. I couldn't remember anything. _

_The man's mouth was opening, but all I heard were distorted echoes with no meaning. I just wanted to sleep, why would he be talking to me…_

_Cold air hit my skin, and I tried to curl on my side, but something stopped me. Now I was really cold. Didn't the man have a blanket? Where were my clothes?_

_Oh God. My clothes were gone. _

_A crescent of lucidity shined through, feeble, but still there. _

_The man, I had to push him away. I could do this, I can do this, I have to do this. I tried, and I failed. My arms would hardly respond. _

_There was something wet and rugged and repulsive moving all over my skin, and get if off, someone get if off, _get if off, GET IT OFF.

_Shit, I just wanted to die. _

_Now there were hands everywhere, anywhere on me, gripping, squeezing, pinching, and as if went on, the sensation dulled. It didn't matter, I wanted to tear out his eyes, tear at his skin, and just hurt him so much. _

_My head lolled to the side, and I couldn't see him anymore. I tried to stop breathing, but it was useless; my body wouldn't allow it. I hated it more than anything right now. _

_I blacked out. _

—

_Somehow, I ended up in front of my apartment building. I woke up on the lawn. It was pitch black outside. Someone was whispering above me. _

"_Kid, you alright?"_

_I couldn't see who it was._

_I couldn't' see anything. _

"_Kid?" The voice was much louder this time. _

_My throat was incredibly dry, my tongue like sandpaper scraping against the roof of my mouth, my muscles aching, my head spinning. The last thing I could remember was being in school._

"_No," I managed to say. _

_Whoever was there chuckled. "Too much drink, eh? Don't become like your old man. He's an asshole. C'mon, let's get you inside?"_

_He reached down to haul me up, but I unconsciously shrank back. _

"_Jesus, if you didn't want my help, all you had to do was fucking say so." I heard retreating footsteps. _

_It took me a while to get to my feet, and even more time to get upstairs and into my room. Apparently my father wasn't there. I fell asleep in the bath, only awaking as I was about to drown. I coughed up water, shaking. _

_I had had a flash of something, a man leering above me, his face hazy, his shirt open. _

_It continued throughout the next few nights. I laid in bed, crying and dry-heaving for the first day. I couldn't do anything properly, wandering around the apartment until my feet throbbed and I couldn't stand anymore. The next week, my father forced me to go to school. I had a panic attack in the bathroom after the second period. _

_I couldn't talk. _

_The students wouldn't leave me alone, and each day it grew worse. I was their plaything, and they would keep going until I was broken. _

_The principal called me to his office, going on about how I was a disgrace to the school because of my behaviour, and that my grades didn't help the matter. That my poor Chemistry teacher was now humiliated, the source of disgusting rumours, and that his wife wanted to fill for divorce _all because of me_. _

"_It's not my fault," I mumbled. My first words in a week, and they scratched at my throat. _

_The principal threw me out, saying that one more offense, and I would be expelled. _

_I went to the first bathroom I could find, that nauseous feeling rising again. Inside, there was a girl rolling a joint. Her eyes widened when I came in, and I didn't know if it was because of the rumours or because someone had walked in on her. _

_Impulsively, I asked her for her lighter. _

"_These bathrooms have smoke detectors," I said._

_She swore as I set a paper towel on fire and threw it in the trashcan. It ignited in a matter of seconds, and the smoke swirled around us in the air. _

"_They're gonna come in in less than two minutes."_

_She stared at me. "I hate this fucking school, anyway." The alarm started ringing. She lit her joint. "It'll just be a good riddance."_

_We both sat on the dirty floor. I was wearing pants today. _

"_Did you really sleep with that teacher?"_

_I didn't answer._

"_Ew, disgusting son of a bitch. I bet he enjoys these rumours."_

_A teacher burst into the bathroom, and she laughed as they began yelling and lecturing and doing their teacher duties. _

"_Lockheart!"_

_The principal._

_I tried to smile, but I couldn't._

_I wanted to cry._

_Someone pulled me on my feet. The principal was up in my face. "Do you want to be expelled? You're just asking for it!"_

_Images raced behind my closed lids at his words. _

"_It's not my fault."_

—

"_A quote, Tifa? Why not something cute like a rose?"_

"_Shut up, Mark."_

"_It's a weird choice. Why?"_

"_Because it's the truth."_

_Mark rolled his eyes. He leaned back, bringing the chair with him. It balanced awkwardly._

_"It'll cost ya, sweetheart." His eyes wandered to my tits. _

_I shook my head. "I have the money."_

_"What? No!" The legs of the chair snapped back on the ceramic floor. "Come on! I offer to give you a tattoo for free and you actually refuse? You didn't last time!"_

_"Not for free," I said, looking away._

_"It's just sex, Tifa. You know, we did that for months?"_

_"And then you spread nasty rumours about me."_

_"I was mad! It was immature, I get it."_

_I took out my wallet. "I have the money."_

_He stared at me, long and hard, face suddenly serious. _

_"What happened, sweetheart?"_

_"Nothing."_

_He didn't say anything for more than a minute._

_Then, "It's alright, it's gonna be free."_

_"Mark—"_

_"No, I mean, like __free__. Okay? So put back that money."_

_I nodded._

_He clapped his hands together. "Alright! You ready?"_

_"Yeah," I lied._

_But I wasn't. And I didn't know if I ever would. _

—

**kisses:  
**seductive insanity, ReNeVIerE07, Hana Hannah, laurenbear123, Nuingarien, annonie, Epik Snow, damagectrl.07, M, & demonegg!

**- M: **thanks for catching that. I forgot to write a part, eh...

**- demonegg:** what were your predictions? I dropped quite a number of hints, so I was surprised you hadn't commented on that possibility yet! And yeah, the Scarlet theories *evil smile*

**FAQ:**

**Q: The guys Tifa slept with were before she met Cloud, right?**

**A: **Yes. It'll be explained in more details next chapter.

**Q: What was your inspiration for this story?**

**A: **Yeah. Okay. A lot of things, to be honest. The idea of a passive dependent relationship, first of all, because that's something I see a lot IRL. That sort of came hand in hand with a form of child abuse and/or trauma (rape). Which lead to a coping mechanism (sex in this case) for a person with an "addictive personality". The whole endless soul searching/doubts/depressive thoughts/self-loathing sort of came after, a lot of it inspired by actual conversations I had throughout the years.

**Q: [To the person who guessed what Tifa had gone through] If she was raped, why would she be so willing to have sex?**

**A: **The simplest answer is that a reaction to a trauma like rape is not standardized. There are general groups that explain the blunt of most reactions, but even then, a person can exhibit side effects that are categorized in all the different groups. And from my experience with psychology and trauma in general, not everyone shies away from the cause of the trauma; some will face it head on as a mean of regaining control over themselves. Whether that's healthy or not depends on how they do it, and it can be debated.

**song: **_Bones - _MS MR


End file.
